Non-Muslim Woman: Should You Marry a Muslim Man?

Catherine Ipcizade (5617) 20 Jul 2006 12:47 PM

Very insightful, Misty. It's a delicate balance...sometimes difficult. I do wish my husband and I were the same religion. It would make things much easier considering we have two kids. He doesn't insist that they practice either religion though, which is good. Neither do I. Though I very much wish we could share one relgion, we've agreed to show our kids both faiths. It is hard being married to someone of a different faith though. Like when I'm decorating the Christmas tree or putting presents under it, he helps, but can't relate to the "feeling" of it all, ya know?

Melissa J (13710) 17 Aug 2006 11:15 PM

Awesome blog Misty. It's always neat to learn from you.

iluvmaD (5) 09 Feb 2007 11:51 PM

first of all i really wana appreciate u ere ur BloGz r Really Beautifull & informative N e wayz M a Muslim guy & Ma gurrl sheZ nOt Muslim , sHez Chiristian & wat i wana Ask ere iz Do Chrisianity allow christain gurlz to marry a muslim guy ?

WordsAplenty (4029) 09 Feb 2007 11:54 PM

Yes, a Muslim man is allowed to marry a Christian girl. It can be a challenging combination, but many couples have made it work. Good luck to your friend! Thanks for your nice words about my blog. It's nice to be appreciated. :)

dimensions (5) 25 Jun 2007 11:25 AM

hello,i m new here and already like this blog alot.well, i m a lebanese christian woman in a relation with a lebanese muslim.it s our third year together,we are so much in love and we respect each other alot.Ahmad,my lover,is not religious and got his own point of view.the problem is that my mom wants me to babtise our becomming children and of course he refuses.my life is a mess now,i m between both lines and i donno what to do.any help or advise?

Starling (26) 10 Oct 2007 06:26 AM

You described it so well. Yes, he's intense, yes, he's wildly exotic and yes he's tall, dark and handsome. He's also the man who taught me so much about Islam at a time I was researching it that I fell in love with him whilst falling in love with Islam. There are many things about Catholicism and Christianity that make sense to me more now than they did before I reverted to Islam. The whole idea of "submission" of the wife could not be portrayed as beautiful for me, now matter how hard anyone tried. But in Islam, I WANT to be there for my husband in a submissive yet independent way and I can't explain that to anyone except someone who is muslim or married to one and happily so. I love my beloved with all my heart and I am thankful that making the relationship work is about more than the love - that part comes easily. I like that there's a give and take, that we analyise and scrutinise everything together until we reach some consensus, and when that means I back down, it isn't always easy but I do it UNDERSTANDING why I want to and wanting to. And when he has to back down (which many people who out of unfortunate ignorance would say never happens) he does so graciously and so beautifully yet in such a perfectly gentlemanly way, that it makes me love him more. I wish there were more good stories out there about muslim marriages, either to reverts or to people of the book. I guess the old adage that bad news travels fast is true. I almost didn't marry him because so many people gave me "the bad news". So far, I'm glad I didn't listen. Happy people seem to have less time to share about their joys, scared it will "jinx" them, than the unhappy ones who are all too quick to vent. Perhaps we are at fault for exuding jealousy, I don't know, but somehow, we should encourage our sisters and our brothers married to muslim and non-muslim spouses to share their happy stories. There should be a spot in cyberspace for GOOD news. The comments above are all a taste of that good news and as a newcomer to the site I'm really glad I stopped by! Thank you.

lynninlove (5) 10 Dec 2007 06:50 PM

Starling your post is beautiful. I had been warned against marrying my husband as well. When I looked online all I saw were terrible stories of sadness. Thankfully I realized that happy people are too busy being happy to spend their time posting about how happy they are. The way you describe your relationship with Islam of submission and independence brings tears to my eyes because its exactly how I feel. Thank you.

TabbyKat (5) 20 Jan 2008 08:57 PM

I was told that Muslim men never marry an older woman, that they marry younger woman. To marry an older woman would be a joke. Can you tell me if this is true? Tabby

Latifa (51) 23 Jan 2008 09:31 AM

Tabbykat, Marrying an older woman is neither a shame nor a joke in Islam...At the age of 25 Muhammad (PBUH) married Khadija (R.A.) who was 40 years old...

Thx for all the great posts above and I wish u all a long and happy life.

muslyiim (25) 03 Apr 2008 01:05 PM

Though you did not address this part, while Muslim men are allowed to marry Christian and Jewish Women, no Christian, nor Jewish person, man or woman, are allowed to marry to any Muslim, male or female. It is fundamental tenants of both Christianity and Judaism, that such a marriage is to be disallowed, holding on the old addage, about people being 'unequally yoked.' This position has been held and is followed and enforced by every Catholic Pope, Bishop, Cardinal and priest in the Catholic Church, every Rabbi and Cantor in Judaism, and is advocated by the Revereneds Jimmy Swaggart, Pat Robertson, Oral Roberts, Billy Graham and all prominent leaders of the Protestant Church, this very day. So while the children of Muslim-nonmuslim marriages is raised in Islam the woman is allowed to freely practice her faith and is to be treated with respect and is required to be given a marriage gift in the same manner as a Muslim woman prior to the wedding be she Christian or Jewish. This is made clear in the Holy Qur'an, Chapter 5, Verse 5, what can be translated out of Arabic meaning:

This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is lawful unto them. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book, revealed before your time,- when ye give them their due dowers, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor secret intrigues if any one rejects faith, fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).

Alyawma ohilla lakumu alttayyibatu wataAAamu allatheena ootoo alkitaba hillun lakum wataAAamukum hillun lahum waalmuhsanatu mina almuminati waalmuhsanatu mina allatheena ootoo alkitaba min qablikum itha ataytumoohunna ojoorahunna muhsineena ghayra musafiheena wala muttakhithee akhdanin waman yakfur bialeemani faqad habita AAamaluhu wahuwa fee alakhirati mina alkhasireena

Christians are not allowed to marry non-christians and Jews are not allowed to marry non-jews and neither are allowed to marry Muslims, and the only way a Muslim can marry if by conversion. Finally, there is something to be said of Islam and its teachings about Christians and Jews because while both are told in their faith emphatically and clearly that all Muslims are nonbelievers, unequal, not to be married and destined for hell fire the Holy Qur'an says of Christians and Jews [People of the Book]: Chapter 3, Verses 112 thru 114:

112:Not all of them are alike: of the people of the Book are a portion that stand (For the right): they rehearse the Signs of Allah all night long, and they prostrate themselves in adoration

113:They believe in Allah and the Last Day; they enjoin what is right, and forbid what is wrong; and they hasten (in emulation) in (all) good works: They are in the ranks of the righteous

114:Of the good that they do, nothing will be rejected of them; for Allah knoweth well those that do right

muslyiim (25) 03 Apr 2008 01:21 PM

To DIMENSION: Be content that Judaism, Christianity and Islam all advocate that every CHILD if dies as a child will go to paradise, even those people who claim that mankind is born in sin;so you need not worry, and your mom can relax, for if your child dies while a child he will go to paradise and if he grows into adulthood he will decide what faith he choose to follow at that time. Worry less, and I wish you well and peace.

Pam Connell (2658) 08 Apr 2008 03:35 PM

Actually the Roman Catholic Church does not forbid a Catholic Christian to marry a Muslim. It urges caution and counseling, recognition of the difficulties that may be encountered. The Catholic party in any Catholic-nonCatholic marriage also is asked to promise "to do his/her best to raise the children in the Catholic faith, while respecting the conscience of the other partner". So there are times when the conscience of the other partner won't allow for the children to be Catholic and this is not the Catholic parent's fault.

poppy123 (26) 09 Apr 2008 04:56 AM

for the last 6 months i have been dating a muslim boy. I am zoroastrian and he is Pakistani muslim. I love him so very much, but when he approached his mother about the idea of him possibly marrying a non-muslim girl, the mother did not approve. It is for this reason we had to break up. Is there any way in convincing the mother that it is ok for us to get married. My religion does not allow me to pass my religion onto my children and it is for this reason any children we would have would be muslim. because my love for him is so strong, i would do anything to be with him. I have even suggested that I learn and practice Islam.

He brought light into my life during such dark times and yes it has only been 6 months but those past months have been the best of my life.

out of respect for his mother he has said we cannot be together and I know this decision was very hard for him. the reason i am writing on this article is that i need advice on how i could get him to convince his mother that marrying a non-muslim would not be so bad. does anyone have any suggestions?

onceuponamuslim (5) 29 May 2008 03:40 PM

I once was married to a muslim man and converted to Islam. That has now changed.

I have to warn woman from our country as what would be the biggest obsticles you will encounter once you are married. Keep in mind that the Qua'ran puts women second to the husband's mother. It is a cultural misinterpretation (at least in what we define it in america) of what is says that "Respect your mother" which was the response the Prophet gave when asked by a man what he should always regard first in his life. He asked the Prophet again, and the reply was "Respect your mother", and he asked the Prophet again "Respect your mother", and he asked him again "Respect your wife". So the mother counts three times more than the wife.

I say it is a culture misinterpretation because Respect is not the same as Obedience or Accepting what his mother says or do as she says. Now, the Bible says that you should put your wife and children first. That is not the case in Islam.

This is very important for any woman that wishes to marry a muslim man and she has been raised without Islam. The mother will always come first as to decisions, finances, children, property in your home, and etc. Everything in her son's home (even if you and him both purchased it together) belongs to the mother. She can claim to it and her son has to respect and do that. If she wants her son to come home or leave his wife, he must respect and do that. If she does not like the way you are raising your children, he must respect and do that. Consulting the mother for almost everything is very common. Be prepared to have your mother-in-law as the third person in your marriage.

So your family (which what you would consider is your husband, your children, and yourself) is not your family, but rather her family to control. Especially with boys, they are taught at an early age to obey their mother (which they consider is respect) because the Qua'ran states that they will be punished and that the Prophet stated it as so and that is God's will.

So if you plan to marry a muslim man, keep in mind that if you are raised Christian or are an independetn woman, you will not have the life you dream of, nor the family you thought you would have. As men get older, yes, they turn to religion, and that religion then states that "Mommy Dearest" is in Control. Since the same thing was done to her with her husband, expect that the tradition of controlling her male children will continue.

You must be willing to tell yourself and accept for the rest of your marriage that your husband will second guess you, will do as his mother says, no matter what you and he had agreed too. It is not your marriage, you are not his partner as far as decisions and ownership of things in your home. You are in a sense a second class citizen whose purpose it go be submissive (which means you are to listen and not be heard). If your husband requires that you cook, clean, take care of the children (which he will), while he goes out with his friends and socializes, it is your duty to not complain. Even if you work as much as he does, your duties are that and you should not complain. If you complain, then you are a bad wife. If you ask for help in the domestic aspect of your home, he will let you know that is not his duty.

You are not in the marriage to be happy, but to fulfill a role. That role is to serve the husband, serve the house, and serve the children. Consider yourself a worker in your home. He owns you (whether you work or not) and your duties are as instructed.

This is the primary reason arrange marriages or quick marriages happen in Islam. The understanding is pretty straight forward. You each have roles and fulfilling the roles are first. Any romance and affection in the marriage is very minimal as public affection is seen as cultural embarrasement. Separating the women from the men at the mosque is traditional. Expect that this will happen with friends of the same faith. He will try to seclude you from your other friends and family members of differents faiths. Having friendships and families of different faiths is looked upon as negative. They interpret this as bad influences.

Your personal sense of needs are last whether you are wanting to go out on a romantic date to spice up the marriage, go on a weekend trip, seeing your friends, or seeing your family. Expect that the gifts and romance he provides for you before the marriage will go away as soon as you are married. They consider that once you are married, that is not a necessity. They have you now and that is that.

They are also very much into conserving money and giving it to the mosque. Do not expect to much luxury as they consider that a waste of money and can bring you bad fortune because it will cause the "evil eye". So if you are used to shopping at retail prices, your husband will probably control the money and forbid that you continue that life style.

I am saying that Islam is wrong or marrying a muslim man is wrong. Keep in mind that they are brought up with a very different concept of woman and the roles they fill. If you are hoping to change your spouse once you are married, that will not happen.

Would I marry another muslim? No. I still love him, but there are certain things that really piss me off. First and most, I want a husband to put his wife and children first. Second, I believe that domestic duties should be shared. I still believe that you are much more than a role in a marriage...you are a partner...a life companion. As such, I expect to be treated as so. I will not get that married to a Muslim. In Christianity and can expect as such.

Good Luck

corker18 strewail (30) 12 Jul 2008 12:57 PM

I'm married to a Muslim man. I've been married to him for 9 months and he has NEVER been verbally or physically abusive. When we were in his country, we got married in front of the sheikh TOGETHER. He knew I felt wierd about wearing a hijab. So, he made sure I didn't even have to wear one in front of the SHEIKH...of all people! He's not a very religious man. He doesn't pray or even fast during Ramadan. When his sisters and I went out for walks in the city, we couldn't leave the house without wearing make up and of course we were NOT going to wear hijab. That's taboo in his family. We wore short-sleeved shirts. I'm a little heavier, so my shirts weren't as tight as his sisters'. Of course, his parents are older and they pray, but his mom is also very fashion-concious when it comes to going out-even to the car! He does have his Muslim morals such as virginity until marriage, but that is something important to me, too. He does believe in God and the prophet Mohamed...but, he also smokes like there's no tomorrow and he used to be a heavy drinker. We are still happily together to this day. We want to wait to have kids. We say we should try for one in about three years. Who knows? I just want to make it clear that not all inter-religious marriages are nightmares. I couldn't have asked for a better man. He doesn't look down on me. He never acts superior. We exchange "I love you"s 50.000 times a day, it seems. We also imagine what it would be like to have kids, but we are in no hurry. We want time for ourselves and time to get a house and become successful. Not every man is the same. They are all as different as snowflakes. He even told me, a non-practicing Christian, that if I want to take them(our future kids) to church, I should. He grew up celebrating Christmas in his family. He even told me about pictures of him sitting on Santa's lap when he was a little boy. I know it's true because the last Christmas, his neice was at his house and she was very excited to get her presents from 'Santa'. In my marriage, it's not about what religion we practice. The topic is usually not even discussed. We have very strong morals and we want to please the SAME GOD. About which religion our children should practice, we will let them choose when they are older. We want to make sure they know God as their creator and try to please him. I have no doubts in my mind about my husband being a good man. He's very open minded and very considerate to everyone.

njsa (20) 23 Jul 2008 11:14 PM

there is no such a thing like mother important than wife.but 1 person asked prophet (s.a) who's is more respectable in life,prophet said ur mother..,2nd ur mother..,and even 3rdly ur mother..,when ask for the 4th time said ur father.this doesnt mean that we should ignor wife.prophet narrated that heaven is under the feet of mother to show hw much v should respect and love our parents.also there are many other hadees about how we should treat our wives.there are more advant for women in islam as a wife,mother and daughter. islam not degrating women.it is a way of life.the creater knows what is good and what is bad for his creation.Study islam in correct way.read the quran than just seeing some bad muslims and decide.if u read the quran u wil get to know many things. there are black sheeps in every community.even in all the other faiths warn people not to drink,smoke and adultry.thing is more muslims practicing islam than other followers following their religion.there are many websides which giving wrong information about islam.if u want to marry a muslim first try to learn about islam.i sure u will love it. islam doesnt allow to marry christi or a jew,there ar not people of the book since the fact has been corrupted.we love and respect prophet mouses and jesas(a.s)because there also our messengers or allah.jews belive mouses a.s was the last prophet,christian belive only jesas a.s was last prophet,even thouh its mention about the last prophet s.a in there original bible,thawra,hinduism even in buddhism. May god give hidaya to everyone,aameen

njsa (20) 23 Jul 2008 11:30 PM

regard property its a a big misconception.no where in islam tells that the property u buy belongs to mother.its for the wife and children.if property bought by his wives earning its belongs to only his wife not even her husband can take that without her permission.Its compasary to look after their parent when they are old.u may feel its unfair,but when ur old u wont see any mistakes in that.

MaiaLorelai (5) 25 Jul 2008 04:19 AM

i also have a muslim bf and we are actually on the path of making wedding plans,but now i am kind of hesitating after what i have read from onceuponamuslim... i never dreamed for that kind of marriage.. even if i love my bf so much...

njsa (20) 27 Jul 2008 01:33 AM

Maiaorelai,i just can advice u to study more about islam.what onceupon..is totally wrong.nothing mention like that in islam.may be the person she married may be followi it wrong way.the person who not treating wife and chil get punish by allah.in islam feedi family is the duty of the husb.never he can go a way from that.wife should not do any 4 that.even wife earning husband not allowed to take what she gain.if she wishes to giv then no problem.islam is a beautyful religion.when people just telli wrong about islam really getti very worry.there are many people got convert after studing about islam and its the fastest growing religion in the world. actually islam strictly telling not to waste.there are many people who suffering without even to drink water.bec of all these reasons we are not allowed to waste and it doesn mean we should avoid friends contacts and all.is any religion there which tells to waste,don giv charity,i don kno whats wrong in this.for us all who are rich and wealthy compalsary to give charity from there saving every year. study about islam,after decide marring ur bf.its true that non muslim get many difficulties after marrin a muslim because the way of life is very different than others.thats y islam doesn allow marryi non belivers because life wont be good.islam wellcom all who beliv in allah and our beloved prophet.when u realise this u wont see any wrong in this and u will be proud being a muslim.may allah guide all.

njsa (20) 27 Jul 2008 01:43 AM

im a muslim and i living hapy with my husband.even in our community no one as onceupo...mentioned that muslim men not supporti.my moth passedaway when im 8 years.my dad rased 4 kids alone witho marry any1.because 1 person or some doing mistakes cant blame all or the religion.even i kno many christia who is treting wife bad way,so can i blame christianity or all christians.if any1 follow the religion which their relion says can lead a good life.no any religion tells to date girls,hav alcahole,etc./

Valorie Delp (49340) 27 Jul 2008 02:17 PM

Ladies--it's nice to see good dialogue here. However, I have to ask that we take this to the forums. You can talk about this blog here in the Muslim forum. http://forums.families.com/muslim-families,f341

I'll also have to ask that we stop posting long diatribes here. This is really just to comment on the blog but I do hope that some of you ladies will join us in the forums.

lawbreaker982 (146) 04 Nov 2008 04:37 AM

Hi. I am overwhelmed of the responses I have read. I (Roman Catholic) was also in a relationship of an Indian Muslim man who happened to be my officemate but we're in different department. He is an ideal boyfriend and husband but due to cultural and religion differences I decided to cease the relationship with him. We both love each other but he loves most his family. He honestly told me that as much as he wanted to keep me and marry me but he can't for the reason that he don't want to ruin my life in the future. He is very religious more than the way I do. But conversion is not a solution as what he told me. His parents is against in our relationship and whatever request his parents he will do. The longer the relationship, the more it's going to be hurt and hard to let go. To avoid reaching on that stage I made up my mind because I know it was also difficult on his part. But hearing from his mouth that he can't refuse his parents whomever (muslim woman) they arranged for him because he owes everything to his family what he is right now. Oh God, it hurts! It was very painful to hear that. I felt like someone stabbed my heart. Though he told me to give him time but what for. Even asking for my friendship I can't give it to him. Then my friends advise me that I don't have to hate him because he's been honest to say that we can never be. It took me sometime to give my friendship but I am impressed in his undying patience to wait when I am ready. Now, we are still both singles, no present relationship and good friends. The love we feel for each other is not gone but we just need to stand and open our eyes wide and let for the time to tell. I hope my experience can help to those who are struggling in their relationship, to those who can't decide because afraid of hurting. When you love someone truly, pain, sorrows, happiness are part of loving because you can't truly feel the love when you're not hurt. Learn to accept that there are things won't work out the way you plan to be.

mabaibes (5) 12 Nov 2008 06:55 AM

i am dating a sudanese muslim. we both african. we really like each other and are considering marriage that's why i am looking at alll the information useful to know before i make this decision. is it a must that i will convert to islam, onceupon really scared me off this story but then again lots of my muslim friends dont seem to be treated that way and they do go on holidays. someone recommend where i could get more information regarding intermuslim marriages. as a christian (SDA) we are warned on marrying non-believers solely for the reason that oil and water dont mix and this will lead to a rough journey as the interests here are different..you want to meet on a friday..one is off to mosque..want to meet on saturday one is off to church...

seya (11) 03 Dec 2008 02:38 AM

hi...m a hindu girl...really in deep love wid a muslim boy....he also loves me...but for marriage he says i hv to get converted to muslim bef getting married to him...he says this is wat is qwritten in holy QURAN....i hav read a lot of articles on muslim and non muslim marriages...and i m really confused.....THE QURAN says people from book....and i dnt understand what tht really means....hindus are considered or not....please tell me a way out....is there no possibility that i dnt change my religion....look i believe in GOD the ALMIGHTY...now watever name diff religions give HIM are diff....i jst knw tht there is God who is the SAVIOUR.....now wat has religion to do wid marriage....i hav no offend against any religion and any beliefs....but i want to know the truth in THE QURAN...

seya (11) 03 Dec 2008 02:45 AM

and can u please guide me how can i know more about islam....i want to learn the true preachings....but i hav heard many ppl hav misinterpreted the meaning hidden in HOLY QURAN...wher should i start from.....look i know i was insensible to say wat has religion to do wid marriage...i mean ofcourse religion is the base root of living and path to GOD..but u know i dnt want to hurt ant religious sentiments of my boy friend and i also want to know the truth in simple language....i hav come across so many scientific facts written in QURAN which wer actually impossible to discover at tht era of time....i have read many scientists praising the facts.....i m tryin to understand QURAN in every way i can...i wanna learn the most about the reliogion....burt the more i try to learn the more i get stuck in mystery,......please help me out...please

ophthdr (5) 07 Dec 2008 11:49 AM

I am a muslim father. In response to seya concerns. First, The reason behind his family not approving your marriage is that you are a hindu. Islam allows muslim men to marry women beloging to religions based on revelation nature. That is God revelaed a book to a messenger. Thus, muslim men can marry jewish , Christian and Muslim women only. Other faiths are not approved. Secondly, you can easily understand Islam via checking www.shareislam.com , it is a website founded by Yusuf Estes, a former Protestant preatcher from Texas. I hope that my comment was helpful.

rula101 (11) 10 Dec 2008 11:13 AM

Misty from the words of a citizen of society you seem quite lost frankly. First off you seem to base your statistics of Muslim men on an experience that happened to you or someone of your acquaintances. And even it wasn't particularly your situation that ignorance is wrong. It is ignorance like yours that often demean the Muslim faith. Now let's take a look at you content: -The first thing to realize is that many Muslim men are on a "wife hunt." - Please understand that I am not trying to dissuade you-- many Muslim men make wonderful husbands and fathers. Now hopefully you can see my point that I am trying to point out to you which is that your expert is a huge contradiction. Sounds to me that you are basing your views on Islam from Islamic extremism. Does society Christianity or Judaism from the extremist point of view? No. So why single- out Islam. Your expert is read by a lot of people. And millions can come across it. Words are a powerful thing. When you have this much power chooses the right words, and takes the educated route. This is not the true Islam. You know it and I know it. This is the Islam that some Muslims unfortunately have interpreted to need extremism. This happens many times in religion, which if you sought out knowledge you would come across that.

Amante13 (6) 02 Jan 2009 08:09 AM

I really appreciate this blog and all the comments, im afraid my situation is very different, but in need of help. you described the tall exotic man of your dreams to a T, i am puerto rican american catholic 21 y o and he is 23 muslim from pakistan with a very strict family he and his family have been here for a handfull of years. I love him dearly and I respect his religion in every aspect, his family doesnt know about me as we only see eachother and our visits are very innocent. I suppose he is at the age where he is getting older and his family is looking to arrange his marriage. I suggested I convert because i have no issue doing so, I have done my research and am completely open to it. as far as his family goes, he said they would not agree to it and wouldnt approve of it. This makes my situation 100 times harder, I wouldnt hesitate to make this situation easier but Im afraid my efforts aren't good enough. My family knows him and knows of his situation and support my every decision. I would never get between him and his family but I dont want to lose him. Does anyone think there is anyway to get around this, or am I just out of luck?

SVelez31 (5) 07 Feb 2009 02:00 AM

I have met a Lebanese Muslim man and we have been seeing each other for about 3 months now. We are so into each other. I have never been with anyone that has treated me with the respect that this man does. Anyhow, a week ago he brought up marriage and what my thoughts were on it. Being that I have been married twice already and both marriages have failed, I am a little cautious about getting back into it even though he is like no other. I look forward to seeing him, hearing his voice on the phone or even getting a text message from him because I know he is thinking of me and it feels good inside. he is very different from the American / Christian men that I have dated. He is true to his beliefs and his family is number 1.

With that said, I googled "Marrying Muslim" and came across this site. After reading all of the comments and good news, I had to register so I could post my story and to say thank you for shedding some light on this issue. I find it extremely disturbing how us silly Americans think of the Muslim religion but I also find it relieving that our two backgrounds can co-exist. Thank you everyone. I will keep you posted.

datingmuslimonline (5) 16 Feb 2009 01:44 PM

I have been chatting online with a muslim from jordan for almost 2 years now and we fell in love with eachother. he has plans to come here and live with me to canada and getting married . as much as i know i love him and im sure it will be a happy relationship . I have to admit that i am scared to marry him . We have heard alot of bad things about muslim and marriages and it has scared me a little . i know he does not only want to marry me for the visa ( i know alot of people think that ) because he does not have anything bringing him to canada except me. if it wasnt from me he would have stayed in jordan . i dont know what to do if i should wait a year or so before getting married or marry him right away . im very confused and i dont know what to do. does anybody believe me when i say u can fall in love with someone youve never met ? if anybody knows what i am talking about please answer me i need advice . thank you

musalman (5) 08 Mar 2009 05:42 AM

NOTICE: Any errors, or mistakes if you encounter and come to know, are to be discarded. This message is posted to help the people to understand the subjects in a very broad base of knowledge. As humans, or some persons with bias can write an article overlooking facts or truth that Islam wants to uphold. Some fatwas may be blatantly wrong. Hence all of us should do more research on any given Islamic subject to come to a definite and personal judgement. May Allah increase us in our knowledge -Aameen. Rabbi Zidna Ilma. http://www.islamfortoday.com/marriage_tips.htm

http://www.soundvision.com/Info/weddings/faqs.asp http://www.iiu.edu.my/deed/articles/family_islam/ch04.html

http://www.beliefnet.com/Faiths/Islam/2001/04/The-Muslim-Marriage-Contract.aspx

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?cid=1123996015624&pagename=IslamOnline-English-AAbout_Islam/AskAboutIslamE/AskAboutIslamE

http://www.islamonline.net/english/introducingislam/Family/Marriage/article01.shtml

http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/muslim-marriage-a-relationship-which-symbolizes-islam-and-love-442066.html

http://en.allexperts.com/q/Islam-947/Marriage-9.htm

http://www.islamicvoice.com/august.98/marriage.htm

http://www.soundvision.com/Info/marriage/inislam.asp

http://www.ezsoftech.com/omm/handbook.asp

Gws (5) 01 Apr 2009 06:06 PM

I find this interesting because i am in the a relationship with a muslim man for many years and are looking to get married soon. But it is a worry of what others may think about this relationship. We love each other dearly and are planning to spend the rest of our lives together. we understand both our religions and believe in them strongerly and have learnt alot about one another over the years and about our religions. We are having diffculty at the moment telling the ones we love that we would like to spend our lives together if there is any suggestions on how to deal with it would really appricate it. In the end we want our families to be together as we are both close to our families and love them dearly. If anyone can help us in this situation it would be greatly appricated.

dallastxmom (5) 05 May 2009 09:37 PM

I am married to a muslim man for the last 13 years. We have two boys together. It is so difficult coming from two backgrounds, cultures and religions. I love him dearly and he is a great man, but it takes a toll on both of us. My best advice for the girl considering marrying a muslim man would be to meet the mother BEFORE marrying him, and if she doesnt approve you should take this as a sign of future problems to come. I would not encourage you to pursue it further if the mother does not accept you lovingly and liberally BEFORE you are married. I did not meet his family before the marriage, and I feel like a complete idiot that I did not learn about everything beforehand (family, religion, cultural differences etc.) I think generally it is true that muslim men become more religious as they grow older and especially as they have children. It is how they are trained to be. If you are very open to the faith and have explored it deeply and the family loves and accepts you then it may work out well for you. I am lucky enough to have a kind and understanding husband who is very liberal in many ways and luckily his family is respectful to me. Otherwise, we could not make it work out. Hope this advice might help someone if they are seriously considering marriage.

hajooora (15) 22 May 2009 12:10 PM

salaam aleykom onceuponamuslim ,you have a very bad impression about islam,first of all you are mistaking religion with tradition... who said that you are obligated to clean and cook and take care of YOUR kids if you dont want,while your husband is out with his friends? first of all when you are married and you REALLY LOVE your husband you do this things out of love for him.but if you ware a muslim you know that evan the profet (sa) helpd his wifes around the house and he was evan sawing his shouse ... if you had a problem with your husband in rasing up your kids or in his relationship with his moter...that is your personal problem....what you are doind,talking bad about muslim man,it is HARAM my dear,why?because not all are like your husband i am muslim,i am a muhagiba, ALHAMDULILLAH for all this,and my husband is a muslim,and he is NOTHING like your husband....everything comes from the lack of faith in Allah if your husband would have followed the Holly QURAN as he should have he would'n t act like this with you i am really sorry for what happened to you but this is not the fault of Islam,it is the fault of your husband and sayng bad things about muslims and interpreting the Quran as you like it that is a big mistake because if you know witch is the punishment for all this,evan for leaving the islam .... May ALLAH guide you and give you peace and show you the beauty of islam

humanist (5) 23 May 2009 11:01 PM

To all non muslim women out there...beware! yes yes..he loves you and you love him, but how much does he really love you? Will he let you bring up your children as believer of your faith or his faith? Of course no doubt about it, his faith..because 1. He, as per Quran, is supposed to either kill the infidels or convert them, and if he does so by marriage, the only 'civilized' way these days then he will go to heaven (where he will be pleasured by 78 beautiful angels). Please refer to http://www.faithfreedom.org for the actual verse to this.

I don't know what bullshit the muslims in this blog are talking about, if they are true muslims, they are supposed to follow the quran as it is, not with their own more 'civilized' translation. And they should follow it like it is in their holy country of saudi arabia, where women have no say at anything.

Please visit http://www.faithfreedom.org/ for the truth about Islam from muslims themselves who have understood it and who are not hypocrytes about telling the truth and the facts of this religion.

To hajooora: When you say your prophet helped around the house, do you mean like changing, bathing and so on, his wife Ayesha of 9 years of age?

"what you are doind,talking bad about muslim man,it is HARAM my dear" ...why is everything that tells facts about Islam haram? I guess you would have killed me if I were saying this in front of you....because your allah teaches to kill kill kill and be scarred of allah, fear fear fear. But that's not how it should be...you should be able to take criticism and prove wrong with facts if you can (check out the challenge at http://www.faithfreedom.org). And god should not be the one we are scarred of. God is our creator, our father even our friend. We should be only scarred of our sins, our sins against other humans (infidels in your case). Just because someone says something bad about Islam, does not reduce the almighty to anything, we humans are not so powerful.

muslyiim (25) 20 Jun 2009 11:27 AM

To: OnceuponaMuslim,

You erred in your writing by comparing wife to mother in the sense you comment. The actual comparison was to immediate family, by blood, and specific to Father, Mother, siblings, uncles, grandparent and the like. Please note the following, which is copy and paste.

"And your Lord has commanded that you shall not serve (any) but Him, and goodness to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, say not to them (so much as) "Ugh" nor chide them, and speak to them a generous word. And make yourself submissively gentle to them with compassion, and say: O my Lord! Have compassion on them, as they brought me up (when I was) little." Noble Qur'an (17:23-24)

Again Noble Qur'an says:

And We have enjoined man in respect of his parents - his mother bears him with faintings upon faintings and his weaning takes two years - saying: Be grateful to Me and to both your parents; to Me is the eventual coming. And if they contend with you that you should associate with Me what you have no knowledge of, do not obey them, and keep company with them in this world kindly, and follow the way of him who turns to Me, then to Me is your return, then will I inform you of what you did. Noble Qur'an (31:14-15)

In Islam every day is Mother's Day (Status of Mother in Islam)

One day a man came to see the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him and his progeny. It seemed that he was trying to solve something but couldn't quite work it out. So he asked the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him and his progeny. "Tell me, O Prophet of Allah! I have many relatives and many friends whom I love, and whom I wish to care for and help. But I often find it difficult to decide which of them has the greatest claim upon me? Which of them should come first?" The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him and his progeny replied immediately, "Your mother should come first and before all others."

The man was very pleased to have this clear guidance from the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him and his progeny. But of course there were all his other relatives and his friends, so he asked again: "And after my mother, who has the greatest claim upon me?" The Prophet Muhammad's, peace and blessings be upon him and his progeny reply this second time surprised him. "Your mother!" he said again.

The man wondered why the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him and his progeny was repeating himself. Perhaps he had not spoken clearly, the man thought, so he asked the question again, "What I want to know is, after my mother, who has the greatest claim upon me? Again the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him and his progeny said "your mother!"

Your mother, your mother, your mother!

The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him and his progeny had now said it three times. Slowly, the man realized why he had done so. The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him and his progeny means that my mother is extremely important, so much so that my duty to her must be stressed over and over again. Even so, the man's thoughts ran on, "what about all the others I love and wish to care for?" Still uncertain and wanting to know more, he once again turned to the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him and his progeny and said, "and after my mother, who comes after her? Is there anyone besides her?" The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him and his progeny then replied "after your mother, your father." And then? asked the man. "Then people who are nearest to you," said the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him and his progeny.

In universal religion Islam, mother has three times more rights over her off springs than their father because of her significant and crucial role in their birth, brought-up and home education.

In another hadith the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him and his progeny has said: "Paradise lies at the feet of mothers." In other words Paradise awaits those who cherish and respect their mothers.

The Muslim mother has consequently a great feeling of security about the type of care and consideration she can expect from her children when she reaches old age. As the verse of Noble Qur'an quoted above indicates, thankfulness to parents is linked with thankfulness to Allah, and a failure in either of these respects is indeed a major failure in one's religious duties.

The principles of Islam made explicit in Noble Qur'an and hadith are belief and good conduct, and good conduct begins at home with one's closest relatives. A Westerner who has had close contact with a Muslim society cannot fail to be struck by the love and respect given to parents and the honour shown to old people in general, both men and women, as a direct application of these principles of Islam.

muslyiim (25) 20 Jun 2009 11:30 AM

For further information on this and similar subjects please visit: http://ww.muslimvitalrecords.com

woundedlove2009 (5) 22 Jun 2009 12:22 PM

I met a guy by Skype last year, and after some months of chats and telephone calls, he decided to come to my country and meet me. We liked so much, I must recognize that I loved him before meeting him. When we met , we fell in love with each other, he made feel like a queen and very very loved. After he returned to the country he is working in, one of his friends blamed him of commiting ZINA, I think you know what I meant. Since that day, everything changed. He had just call me 2 times in the last 3 months, and he sent me 3 e-mails telling me that he loves me , but we can't make our relationship work. Firstly , I didn't want to understand it and give up loving him, but last friday he called me and begged me not to contact him again because he is still in that country and he can't go to his own country till next year. I know he loves me as much I love him, but many obtacles are put between us now. We were planning to get marry on December, because he was looking for a job in my native country. Off course this won't happen. I needed to share my feelings with someone like you, because all my friends adviced me to forget him, but how can I do it if I see him in every little thing and I need him more than I need to breath??? Thank you for reading me, and I hope we can find someone who is able to love us in a freely way. Best, Woundedlove2009.-

0123Submitter (10) 14 Jul 2009 10:13 AM

(To the muslims sisters) Salam, I just have to say tht we as muslim in America, Australia, Europe, and other part of the countries, we should really be concerned of the tragedy of whats happenong in the middle east by occupation of the power countries such as non muslim countries, which I mentioned above. Many of our muslim people are homeless, threatened to have our identity as muslims, dishonouring our muslim women by RAPING her by USA government, European, and many other armies, and playing with our muslim children as TOYS. they are the ones that keep our mouth shut for speaking the truth and being muslim, submitting to Allah, which is Islam, by pointing their guns at our fellow muslim sisters and brothers, which law are we following is it super power countries or Allah? Who is the best helper for all different creation, is the nonmuslim country or Allah? Of course we muslim sisters and bvrothers know the answer, is Allah. So when there are muslim sisters, brothers, and children shouting our name, we just sit down, sleep on a cozy bed of America, oh yah, and especially fight other muslims tht are so called RADICAL or ISLAMIST, like Taliban, now soon to be Pakistan, a muslim country. I just have to say to my muslim sisters and brothers tht I am a muslim and I am loved by many different muslims in my community. I come to agreeing in terms with them and they come to agreeing in terms with me. Many of them are African, Pakistani, American converted (SINCERELY, WHOLEHEARTED, mind, heart and soul submitted to The Creator above all, God[(((((((((ALLAH!!!!!!!!!!!)))))))]) to muslim and not to look to get married, to please ALLAH with sweats, tears, and blood, and Turkish. They tell me, "how did you obtain so much knowledge?" I tell them by going through hardships, real difficulties of my life by patient, from Allah. and learning alot about how Spain develop its civilization through muslim universities, very smart muslims, and the dark ages of Europe. There is no CREDIT to ISLAM. We shouldnt be thinking of marrying the women the are the enemies of Allah and killed many of us muslims, even at the time of crusaders. Christianity have killed many people, muslims also. Throughout their history they have killed 10,000 many more by today, because of bombing Afghanistan, killing Iraqi civilian and left them hungry, now its PAKISTAN and Iran turns(by the help of Obama, who is also a MUSLIM, SHOCKING!!. He sure did messed his life up, may Allah have mercy on him). we shouldn't marry those tht help them or even live in their land. I am not RADICAL. I am a born chaste MUSLIM woman, thts my identity. I am so surprised tht no muslim sisters or brothers have said anything to tht muslim sister tht defamed one of our muslim sister infront of the enemies of Allah, the NONMUSLIM. I am so disappointed in my muslim sister and brothers tht they did not protect my muslim sister being defamed and dishonoured of her thoughts. Have you muslims fallen into WESTERNIZATION, which capitalism fail to stabilize the societies, survival of the fittest, and dog eat dog world or is it submission and our duy is to Allah. No, its westernization or POP CULTURE, right? No you are wrong, muslim sisters and muslim brothers, isn't as a muslim we should look pleasing to Allah (to do whats right and forbid what evil), following The Quran and Sunnah of Prophet (RSW) by fufilling our duties as muslims. At Day of Judgement (when this world will end), who will we look up to USA Government, how about European Government or is it Allah? What will you say to Allah, when a child will go infront of Allah and say, "I had cried for my Ummah, but there was no respond." Allah will come to to you, Oh muslim sisters and brothers, because He knows there was a part of this child which where was your obligations and responsibilties laid. What will you say? Remember muslim sisters and brothers on this Day there is no place to hide or run we will all be standing still and humiliated, tht means we will never have the best answer tht we can think of tht will change Allah's wrath, but it will be the long extended period of The Prophet Muhammad (RSW) only, then can we as muslim fulfill our duty to sustain our obligations and make our ummah stronger?

Now, I just have to say to the muslim sister tht defamed one of our muslim sister with her thought and ideas, How dare you? Did you know there is a saying when you point at someone there are three fingers pointing right back at you from your own hand. I remember a hadith when I was reading your comment. In this hadtih Prophet Muhammad (RSW) is warning his Ummah of the evils of society. In his time he says to his ummah tht "I dont want to hear slanders of another muslim or bad qualities, because when I approach to this muslim I dont want there to be bad feelings in my heart for this muslim." (Where is the LOVE for our ummah, OR are we looking for our DIMPLOMA? What about our obligations and duties, first.!!!!!!! So based on your ideas and her ideas, can't you come to TERMS with your muslim sister. This sister says her SHAHADAH and prays, right? So there is your test from Allah to strive in difficulties with the support of your muslim sisters in order to fulfill your duties as muslim to please Allah and not to please the enemies of Allah. The nonmuslim have made it CLEAR from historys tht it is WAR on ISLAM they dont look to please Allah, but always to complain about their hard times in their lives and ISLAM. We as muslim, who we should fulfill our duties to Allah, should never take the enemies of Allah as friends and ESPECIALLY SPOUSES. I pray Allah saves you.

I was afraid of posting my thoughts, and opinion of what pleases my Lord, but I am not, because I fear Allah and his punishments. So I am not afraid of USA government, their tanks, man made laws, and guns. And I am also not afraid of you muslim brothers and sisters, because you are already afraid of doing whats right and forbidding what is evil ESPECIALLY for our Ummah, you have proven to tht muslim sister, who you defamed, tht there is no protection for her in our Ummah(which is not true) and you dont fear Allah even for tht. There is a hadith where it says, "you are not a true believer until you love for your brothers what you love for yourselves. It eventually goes the same for muslim sisers. My heart broke again after a long time when I read tht muslim sister defaming the other muslim sister's opinions. She just couldn't put her ideas with the other muslim sister's ideas into TERMS.

Now, to all the nonmusllim women who married or not married to muslim men, but interested. Hello! It is true tht all muslim men were trained to love and respect mother first, second mother, and third mother, then every other relatives. Above all the relatives and especially the wife. First is the mother, second is the mother, third is the mother, then forth is the father. In fact, the sons of mothers are sincerely and undoubtly respectful and honourable to their mothers more than the daughters, because the care she needs the most from are male relatives. When the parents of the son gets him married to a righteous woman, then her son, out of love and concern for his mother, (who nurtured him from the time she conceived him in her womb, and give him values tht makes him strong and smart man, and most IMPORTANTLY had patince with him and taught him The Quran and gave him lessons and was always with him when she faced difficulties throughout his teenage years) he automatically and effortlessly respond to his mother's need till the time even as she gets older. She is always in his heart, mind, and kept in her son's home protected and provided from her son or sons. Particularly, this value of the family, should never die out, and if it did there are punishments include, it is disgrace in the ummah and ISLAM STATE, and he, the son, has forgotten all values of what made him a man, his identity forgotten(he has replaced his mother with his wife, which is a DISGRACE to not to care attain to the elderly) You non muslim dont have any value of your own to care for such a family. From the time you were little you were never disciplined, you carry out with friends and ignore your mother's assignments. You disobey your mother and call annoying when she knocks on your door. You say in your life you are busy you show such disrespect. You complain alot and demand to much. How can you marry a MUSLIM MAN? No matter how cruel, annoying, or pain in the neck, she can be(accepting tht is keeping up to the value) her son is always there for him. This muslim man is a true believer and everybody falls in love with him from the farthest parts of lands, because of the values he keeps of his mother, and an exchange to provide her with everything throughout her aging into old ages. He protects and provides his sisters as well. There are no such thing as retirement homes for the elderlys in muslim countries. Straight out to the point no nonmuslim women are capable of living in tht kind of homes, where there are values kept in every hearts and minds of every muslim relatives, sisters, and brothers. Our motto is always keeping it together through thick and thin no matter what and always keeping evil outside of our homes. Muslim women have the patiences and capabilities unlike the nonmuslims, because she has grown within her family circle with all this values and lessons to pass it on to her children. What the difference is between a nonmuslim and a muslim is her faith, manners, behaviours, modesty, and prayers. The following are the practices of nonmuslim: 1. men are generally constrained to take to corruption and unfair mean of income to fulfill undue demands of their wife. 2. she hurts the feelings of her husband by using indecent language, immodest conduct, immoral actions at all times. 3. making unfair demands which are beyond his means. It is very common among women to tease and trouble their husbands by these three practices, except for pious women.

The sign of a righteous woman is that she obeys her husband in all matters that Islam has permitted to the best of her ability, Allah (SWT) said,

"...the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands)..." 4:34

The Messenger of Allah gave glad tidings to those righteous women that obey their husbands, he (SAW) said,

"If the women offer prayers fives times a day, protect their honour and chastity and remain faithful to her husband, she may enter paradise by whatever gate she desires" reported in Taghreeb ul Tarheeb.

Those wives who are rebellious and disobedient towards their husbands will not have their supplications answered, for Muhammad (SAW) said,

"There are two types of person whose prayer will not rise above their heads; a slave who deserts his master until he returns back to his service and a women who shows disobedience to her husband until she abstains from this behaviour" reported in Taghreeb ul Tarheeb.

The righteous wife must guard her honour and chastity from any hands from touching her, eyes from looking at her and any ears from listening to her. Unlike in the West where the women have become public properties and free for all to touch and view, Islam ordains women to protect her honour.

In Islam the mother is also known as the teacher, and it is her role to look after her husbands children and develop the Islamic identity in them, Muhammad (SAW) said,

"...the wife is the guardian and is responsible for her husbands house and offspring" reported in Bukhari and Muslim

The Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) said, "A thankful tongue, a soft-hearted wife is a friend of yours in religion.'' These are the qualities that Islam desires in a woman who shall nurture the future generations of mankind towards an Islamic society.

Our Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) said, "The honored woman before Allah are those who are obedient to their husbands and remain within the boundaries of their homes."

Islam allows women to go out of houses for their needs. But Islam is against unnecessary intermingling of the two sexes because such intermingling, as we may notice in Western civilization, leads to endless problems and threatens the safety of the family, which is one of the most valuable institutions in the society according to Islam.

"On the Day of Resurrection, Allah will not turn towards a woman who is ungrateful to her husband, in spite of the fact that a wife cannot go with her husband." ( Nisa'i)

The Prophet (S.A.W.) therefore, stressed upon the wives to be loyal and faithful to their husbands and to seek their pleasure (A great reward has been promised for this, in the hereafter.)

Mu`adh bin Jabal (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, "Whenever a woman harms her husband in this world, his wife among the (Houris in Jannah) says: `You must not harm him. May Allah destroy you! He is only a passing guest with you and is about to leave you to come to us". [At-Tirmidhi].

"Shall I tell you the most precious thing a man can have? It is a righteous wife: when he looks at her he is pleased, when he tells her to do something she obeys, and when he is away she is faithful and loyal to him" [al-Hakim, who said it is sahih according to the conditions of al-Bukhari and Muslim]

The Qur'an says "The righteous women are obedient and protect (the husband's interest) in his absence, as Allah has protected them."

The Quran mentions good wife as "comfort of eyes." (25 : 74)

Westerners are now coming to us complaining about the matter of beatings. All right, it doesn't happen among us that a wife dies because of husband's beating. And if something like this does happen in our society, it is considered rare, and all the newspapers talk of it, true or not? In contrast, the latest U.N. statistics from 1999-2000 say that every 12 seconds in the U.S. a wife is beaten by her husband and in some instances these beatings reach the point of killing the wife. Therefore, when the Westerners bring up complaints against us regarding our affairs, why shouldn't we be strong and bring up complaints against them regarding their affairs? Despite the existence of the verse in the Koran, no cases of death have been recorded in our society, and if there were, then these were rare cases. In contrast, they are without verse, religious law, or law, and despite this, every 12 seconds a wife is beaten by her husband! What is better?! A man must know... Therefore, when we have a dialogue with the West, we must talk with them based on foundations, based on culture, based on thought.

Therefore, my brothers and sisters, the matter must be discussed realistically and logically. If husband and wife... even in one of the psychology conferences, when they presented this Koranic verse, there was a psychiatrist who converted to Islam because of this verse. He said: 'This is the first time that I see, in the holy book of a monotheistic religion, a social and psychological problem being handled by the Koran.' We all know that some men are afflicted with a mental illness known as 'sadism' and some women are also afflicted with a mental illness known as 'masochism.' What is the treatment for these mental illnesses? Beatings! He must treat her harshly! Even one of the sages claimed that this verse descended for those afflicted with this mental illness. Therefore, a husband married to a wife afflicted by this illness, let's say sadism - well, let him beat her because the beatings, for her, are a cure. I have a psychologist friend, and once I spoke with him and he told me: 'We have marital problems in which the wife suffers from this illness and we recommend to the husband that he beat his wife in a certain way, and thus the problem is solved.' See how the Koran handles this problem. And therefore we say, brothers and sisters, we have no reason to become tense, we have no reason to become convulsed, our religion is great and in the verses of the Koran there is absolute justice, in them there is no injustice for the man, there is no injustice for the woman, but this obliges us to study religious law(Shariah, Allah's law), so that we will know how to act in accordance with its rulings...

The report, carried out at London Metropolitan University, said crime data suggested up to 47,000 rapes were actually committed every year.

In the year 2000 United States had an estimated population of 626,932 which ranked the state as having the 48th in population. For that year the State of United States had a total Crime Index of 4,249.4 reported incidents per 100,000 people. This ranked the state as having the 22nd highest total Crime Index. For Violent Crime United States had a reported incident rate of 566.9 per 100,000 people. This ranked the state as having the 10th highest occurrence for Violent Crime among the states. For crimes against Property, the state had a reported incident rate of 3,682.5 per 100,000 people, which ranked as the state 23rd highest. Also in the year 2000 United States had 4.3 Murders per 100,000 people, ranking the state as having the 26th highest rate for Murder. United States's 70.3 reported Forced Rapes per 100,000 people, ranked the state 1st highest. For Robbery, per 100,000 people, United States's rate was 78.2 which ranked the state as having the 33rd highest for Robbery. The state also had 405.1 Aggravated Assaults for every 100,000 people, which indexed the state as having the 10th highest position for this crime among the states. For every 100,000 people there were 621.9 Burglaries, which ranks United States as having the 31st highest standing among the states. Larceny - Theft were reported 2,685.8 times per hundred thousand people in United States which standing is the 22nd highest among the states. Vehicle Theft occurred 374.8 times per 100,000 people, which fixed the state as having the 24th highest for vehicle theft among the states.

Somewhere in America, a woman is raped every 2 minutes, according to the U.S. Department of Justice. The FBI estimates that 72 of every 100,000 females in the United States wereraped last year. (Federal Bureau of Investigation, Uniform Crime Statistics, 1996.) According to the Justice Department, one in two rape victims are under age 18; one in six are under age 12. (Child Rape Victims, 1992. U.S. Department of Justice.) About 81% of rape victims are white; 18% are black; 1% are of other races. (Violence against Women, Bureau of Justice Statistics, U.S. Dept. of Justice, 1994.) Victims of rape often manifest long-term symptoms of chronic headaches,18,20fatigue20, sleep disturbance20, recurrent nausea,20 decreased appetite,21 eating disorders,22 menstrual pain,18 sexual dysfunction,23 and suicide attempts.21 In a longitudinal study, sexual assault was found to increase the odds of substance abuse by a factor of 2.5.24

Now what The Quran means tht muslim men can marry Christian and Jewish women is tht they are chaste women(like never been penetrated, very unlikely you find anyone like tht today) Those type of women you find in the time where they lived under Islam state before the crusaders invaded Jersulem and changed the true christianity. Then some of them became unlawful to marry. Now in this time, where the nonmuslim countries are powerful, they both christian and are forbidden to marry PERIOD, NOTHING more else to say about this. In this time, being chaste(virgin) is very very very rare in the nonmuslim countries. Those women are totally forbidden to marry. For those nonmuslim women tht are married to muslim men, it is not pleasing to the sight of God and it is invalid in Islam. Those muslim men you have married has lost a big huge chunck of himself(his identity and values tht made him a man) and tht is also his respect to his mother. After 10 or 13 yeaars of living with him you will notice he has changed from wht his mother raised him to be with his own dignity and identity to loosing all those values and replaced his mother for you and he hsa become JUST LIKE YOU, A NONMUSLIM. And of course your children with him.

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "Allah created all the creatures and when He finished the task of His creation, Ar-Rahm (ties of relationship) said: `(O Allah) at this place I seek refuge with You against severing my ties.' Allah said: `That I treat with kindness those who treat you with kindness and sever ties with those who sever ties with you.' It said: `I am satisfied.' Allah said: `Then this is yours". Then Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "Recite this Ayah if you like: `Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight". (47:22,23). [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

The words in Al-Bukhari are: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "Allah (SWT) says: `He who maintains good ties with you, I maintain good ties with him; and he who severs your ties, I sever ties with him".

Commentary: This Hadith also stresses the importance of proper treatment with relatives for the reason that this is a special means of attaining the nearness and Mercy of Allah. A conduct contrary to it, that is to say, devouring the rights of relatives and continuation of estrangement with them, is the cause of displeasure and Wrath of Allah.

The RESPECTING AND OBEDIENCE of our mothers remind me of a hadith where Prophet Muhammad(RSW) was heartfelt It mentioned tht he was an orphan, no father and no mother at tht time. He wished he could have his mother living with him. And whenever she would call out his name on her bed, even though he is praying he would break his prayer and run to her and ask her wht she needs. There is SO MUCH RESPECT to the elderly especially everyone's mothers.

333. Ibn `Umar (May Allah be pleased with them) reported: I had a wife whom I loved but `Umar (May Allah be pleased with him) disliked her. He asked me to divorce her and when I refused, `Umar (May Allah be pleased with him) went to Messenger of Allah (PBUH) and mentioned the matter to him. Messenger of Allah (PBUH) asked me to divorce her. [At-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud].

Commentary:  If parents' order to divorce one's wife is based on the principles of Shari`ah and morality, it must be obeyed, as is evident from this Hadith. If their order is founded on other factors, then one should try to convince them politely so that they agree with one's view on the issue. Here Ibn `Umar (May Allah be pleased with him) loved his wife for love's sake, but his father `Umar bin Khattab (May Allah be pleased with him) disliked her basing his decision on religious grounds. This is why the Prophet (PBUH) ordered Ibn `Umar to obey his father.

334. Abud-Darda' (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: A man came to me and said, "I have a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce". I replied him that I had heard Messenger of Allah (PBUH) saying, "A parent is the best of the gates of Jannah; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it.'' [At-Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah].

Commentary:  The word "Walid,'' applies to mother as well as father. As the word "Walidain'' is a dual form and covers mother and father both; similarly the noun "father'', also applies to both. This Hadith also stresses that obedience of parents and submission to their order must have preference over the love for the wife as long as this order of theirs is fair and just.

335. Al-Bara' bin `Azib (May Allah be pleased with them) reported: I heard the Prophet (PBUH) saying: "A mother's sister is equivalent to (real) mother (in status)". [At-Tirmidhi]

Commentary:  This Hadith tells us that one should be as respectful to one's aunt (mother's real sister) as one is to mother, as it is a virtue as well as "a form of maintaining the ties of kinship".  

316. Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: A person came to Messenger of Allah (PBUH) and asked, "Who among people is most deserving of my fine treatment?'' He (PBUH) said, "Your mother". He again asked, ``Who next?'' "Your mother", the Prophet (PBUH) replied again. He asked, "Who next?'' He (the Prophet (PBUH)) said again, "Your mother.'' He again asked, "Then who?'' Thereupon he (PBUH) said,'' Then your father.''

In another narration: "O Messenger of Allah! Who is most deserving of my fine treatment?'' He (PBUH) said, "Your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father, then your nearest, then nearest". [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Commentary: This Hadith tells us that the rights of the mother are three times more important than that of the father for the reasons that:

1 She is weaker than the father.

2. The following three troubles are borne exclusively by the mother while the father does not share them with her:

a) She carries the baby in her womb for nine months,

b) The labor pain which she suffers.

c) Two years' period of suckling which disturbs her sleep at night and affects her health. She has also to be very cautious in her food for the welfare of the baby.

317. Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, "May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced! May he be disgraced, whose parents, one or both, attain old age during his life time, and he does not enter Jannah (by rendering being dutiful to them)". [Muslim].

Commentary: The word ``Ragham'' means soil. When a person's nose is soiled, it is a mark of his extreme humiliation. This metaphor carries a curse for an unfortunate person who does not win the pleasure of Allah by serving and obeying his parents. In fact, it is a malediction as well as a prediction of someone's inauspicious end. Service of parents is essential at every stage of their life - whether they are young or old. But this Hadith mentions their old age for the reason that in that period of their life they stand in greater need of care and service. It is a very callous offense to leave them at the mercy of circumstances when they are old, senile and depend on others for their needs. To neglect them at that stage is a major sin for which one deserves Hell-fire.

You have the AUDACITY to match yourself with one of us. HOW DARE YOU! You are of no match in our relation within our communities, but considered as GUEST, accept or leave. You are nonmuslims, who doesn't cover, have no respect to your own MOTHER or give honour to her. You expect everything your way, but it will not work in our SIDE. You are no match of one of us or one of the TRUE CHRISTIAN OF JEWISH(before the crusaders), which they covered themselves head to toe and lived protected under Islam State, but hands and their face were showing, tht is acceptable even for muslim women now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opm1JlzDOgk&feature=related

You are non muslim. Your freedom is to break with your relatives and break family values by complaining whether you like it or not, it always has to go your way. Our freedom is to unite and make our ummah and this world live at large in peace under ISLAM. We muslim women can do so much even to care for husband's mother, because the "wo" from "women" is from womb, who nurtures , grow, and develop with Isalmic values and to the family and our communities and societies. And you nonmuslim misuse this power of yourself for yourselves, your ego, and your greed. You have no values from where you came from or whn you were raised up to be harsh to elderlys and tht time whn were disobedient to mother in your teenage years.

In considering marriage to a non-Muslim woman a man should remember that marriage is more than the private marital relationship. A good Muslim woman would provide her husband with total security, comfort, trust, tranquility, and happiness, and would raise the children as good Muslims. A man would not have to see his children taken to a church every Sunday without being able to prevent it or live with the concern that his wife would teach his children un-Islamic traditions. It is much easier to trust a Muslim woman than to trust a non-Muslim woman who does not fear Allah, and know that He is watching her all the time. And certainly a woman who does not fear Allah, who sees and knows everything, will not fear or obey her husband who is only home in the evenings.

Do not marry unbelieving women until they believe; a slave woman who believes is better than a free woman who does not believe, even though the latter may appear very attractive to you. Al-Qur'an: Al-Baqarah (2:221)

Muslim men should consider these issues before they marry non-Muslim women, especially when the man is strongly influenced by her physical appearance. A Muslim man should look to the future and consider his duties toward his children. The cases mentioned show clearly the damage that can be done to children in interfaith marriages, and while a personal sin may be easy to forget and repent from, one may never overcome the problems that arise because his children were raised as non-Muslims as a result of his negligence concerning providing the right spouse and community for them. Children have the right to be brought up in an Islamic environment by good Muslim parents.

Allah (s.w.t.) said: This day are (all) good things made lawful for you. The food of those who have received the Scripture is lawful for you, and your food is lawful for them. And so are the virtuous women of the believers and the virtuous women of those who have received the Scripture before you (lawful for you) when you give them their marriage portions and live with them in honor, not in fornication, nor taking them as secret concubines. Whoso denies the faith, his work is vain and he will be among the losers in the Hereafter. [Qur'an: Al-Ma'idah (5:5)]. A Muslim man is discouraged from marrying a non-Muslim woman if there is no Islamic State or if he is not living in an existing Islamic state, since the non-Islamic states do not recognize his rights as head of the family to raise the children Islamically. On the contrary, the children will most likely be brought up in their mother's religion, since the Muslim husband does not have his Islamic rights in his non-Muslim wife's country. There are many tragic examples of Muslim men who tried to take their children to their Muslim countries after they divorced non-Muslim wives. The women in many of these cases succeeded in bringing the children back to be raised in the non-Islamic societies as non-Muslims. The fathers are referred to as kidnappers (of their own children) in the non-Islamic media. Unfortunately, even the governments in Muslim countries these days help the non-Muslim wives to get custody of the children. This is due to the absence of an Islamic state which would protect Muslim children from being kidnapped by non-Muslim wives to be raised as non-Muslims.

The benefits of marrying a non-Muslim woman are minimal when both live in a non-Islamic state. The woman and her relatives would not see how Muslims live as a community, nor would they have close contact with family, should the Muslim man decide to marry her and live outside the Islamic State. Marrying a chaste Christian or Jewish woman in a non-Islamic state should be considered as a last resort and as the only alternative to keep him from falling into adultery. Men, however, should be aware of the fact that most women in non-Islamic societies do not qualify as chaste women in Islam, (i.e. abstention from unlawful sexual activities). Some Muslim men ignore these conditions and ignore the commands of Allah when they are misled and fooled by a smile from a non-Muslim woman.

She must be Kitabiyyah, i.e. Christian or Jewish by faith, and not by virtue of birth into a Christian or Jewish family. Many women who live in Christian or Jewish societies today are atheists, Buddhists or Bahai's. These women are prohibited for Muslim men. A woman who commits apostasy, by becoming a non-Muslim after being a Muslim, would not be allowed to marry a Muslim man, since apostasy is much worse than unbelief.

Dr. Yusuf Al-Qaradhawi also said that Muslim men may not marry Christian or Jewish women if the Muslim community is a small minority in a huge non-Muslim society, and such marriages would make it impossible for Muslim women to find Muslim men to marry. This is classified under "limiting the allowed" in the Islamic jurisprudence. Dr. Yusuf Al-Qaradhawi used the example that if all people grew cotton instead of wheat, the government would have the right to stop them from doing so, since wheat is a necessary food ingredient, even though growing cotton is allowed in normal cases.

There are many Muslim girls of a marriageable age who are living in non-Islamic countries, and it is the duty of the Muslim men to protect these girls from marrying non-Muslim men, which is absolutely prohibited in Islam. If Muslim men loosely practice their right to marry Christian or Jewish women, the Muslims girls in non-Islamic societies will be forced into unwanted circumstances and Muslim men will be at least partially responsible and will get their share of the punishment from Allah. In considering marriage to a non-Muslim woman a man should remember that marriage is more than the private marital relationship. A good Muslim woman would provide her husband with total security, comfort, trust, tranquility, and happiness, and would raise the children as good Muslims. A man would not have to see his children taken to a church every Sunday without being able to prevent it or live with the concern that his wife would teach his children un-Islamic traditions. It is much easier to trust a Muslim woman than to trust a non-Muslim woman who does not fear Allah, and know that He is watching her all the time. And certainly a woman who does not fear Allah, who sees and knows everything, will not fear or obey her husband who is only home in the evenings.

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "He who believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him be hospitable to his guest; and he who believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain good the ties of blood relationship; and he who believes in Allah and the Last Day, must speak good or remain silent". [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Commentary: This Hadith is mentioned here to highlight the importance of kindness to relatives. It enjoins considerate treatment to relatives and stresses that one should maintain relationship with them at all costs. So much so that even if they misbehave and sever relations with him, one should make efforts to restore not only relationship with them but also their rights. This is what kindness to relatives really means. Islam has laid great stress on it. Relatives include both paternal and maternal relatives.

Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: A man said to Messenger of Allah (PBUH): "I have relatives with whom I try to keep the ties of relationship but they sever relations with me; and whom I treat kindly but they treat me badly, I am gentle with them but they are rough to me.'' He (PBUH) replied, "If you are as you say, it is as if you are feeding them hot ashes, and you will be with a supporter against them from Allah as long as you continue to do so". [Muslim].

Commentary:  This Hadith has three important lessons:

First, the misbehaviour of one's relative is no justification for the misbehaviour of another, let alone the severing of relations on that account.

Second, the person who treats his relatives nicely in all events and circumstances is blessed by Allah Who will send from heaven helpers to support him.

Third, the consequence of denying compassion and kindness to relatives is as woeful as the eating of hot ashes.

When we keep our identity you people call us terrorist even though ehn TALIBAN is a small little group who we muslim make a dialouge and understanding if done in kindness ( Which really the nonmuslim countries are TERRORIST, because they are terrorizing our brothers and sisters, because they want to live according to Islam. They have TERRORIZED our lands and corrupted many of our people and rulers, muslim rulers AS PUPPETS), when we practice ISLAM we are called EXTREMIST OR ISLAMIST. In our side we know NICKNAMING is MAJOR SIN, I have read its greatter than commiting MURDER, because you defaming someone or ruining someone's reputation or name. You think freedom is without Islam. No, freedom is without terrorist threat from the enemies of Allah. Plus, look up histories of Dark Ages of Europe and Islam in Spain. Islam brought light to humanity and made many civilization, but the enemies of Allah MISUSED Islam and its light and of course its right to humanity. You people are totally corrupted inside and outside to your familys and societys.

Muslim men and women are told to seek faithful spouses with a strong, good belief, and not allow non-Muslim standards of selection influence them. Muslim men can marry only Muslim, Christian, or Jewish chaste women, while Muslim women can marry only chaste Muslim men. Allah (s.w.t.) said: Do not marry unbelieving women until they believe; a slave woman who believes is better than a free woman who does not believe, even though the latter may appear very attractive to you. Al-Qur'an: Al-Baqarah (2:221) http://www.islamfortoday.com/interfaithmarriage.htm

/******* 1- Non-Muslim women, to whom Muslim men can marry, are the women from Christian and Jewish religions who are residents of "Daar-ul-Islam****" nations where Islamic law prevails) and who are thereby called, "Dhi'mmi" (those who give Jazzia instead of Zakaat in an Islamic state??), but NOT the residents of "dar al-kufr" (where the kuffar or non-Islamic rule exist). To these women, marriage is allowed but is "mukrooh tanzihi." (I can't translate it properly) 2- With Christian or Jewish women, who are resident of "dar a-harb"****, the nikah (the marriage contract) will be valid, but will be a "mukrooh Tahrimi" (worse than tanzihi) situation. The act which is "mukrooh tarhimi" is so close to "haraam" (not permissible at all) that it is ALMOST "haraam" and is "na'jaiz" ie. not legal. The man involved will be responsible for committing an act which is so close to a state of "sin". **** Victor Danner describes "Dar al-Islam" as : the House of Islam, or the Islamic world; the Islamic community, where submission to the Divine Will reigns; Opposed to dar- al-harb ( the non-Islamic community)

It is permissible for a Muslim man to marry a Christian/Jewish woman strictly under these two conditions: She is a true Christian/Jew - not by name and/or ancestral background. She did not renegade from Islam and become a Christian/Jew. The Quran in Sura 5:5 says: . . . Likewise you are permitted to marry chaste believing women [Muslims] or chaste women among the people who were given the Scripture [Jews and Christians] . . . . (Maududi, vol. 1, p. 427)

http://www.jannah.org/sisters/intermarriage.html

All interpretations must end when there is a clear Hadith of the Prophet, pbuh, on the issue. He never recommended marriage with non-Muslim women. Addressing men, he makes it quite clear that Islamic integrity and faith is the requirement for marriage: "The messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be on him, said: Women are married for 4 reasons: for wealth, for family nobility, for beauty and for Deen: You should marry for Deen, otherwise may your hands be rubbed in the dirt." [Narrated by Abu Huraira, r.a., in the Sahih of Bukhari and the Sahih of Muslim.] Deen is a comprehensive term for piety, knowledge and practice of Islam, and Fear of Allah.

http://asqfish.wordpress.com/2008/03/22/does-islam-allow-muslim-men-to-marry-non-muslim-women-in-america/

They want to extinguish Allah's Light with their mouths, but Allah will not allow except that His Light should be perfected even though the disbelievers hate it. It is He who has sent his Messenger with guidance and the Deen of truth, to make it superior over all religions even though the Mushrikoon(polytheists) hate it." (Al-Tauba 9:32-33)

Loulouthia (5) 18 Jul 2009 08:34 PM

The Christian church does not encourage its singles to marry non-believers--just as Islamic teaching does not!

Holy Scripture says, "Do not be unequally yoked." And the Scripture says this not to keep us from a potential husband (or wife), but to consider the faith in Christ Jesus as so precious, so purposeful, so all-consuming that going through life--sharing your heart and soul and everything!--with a man who does not share that passion, would be SO empty.

Yeah, you'd share incredible sex. And common ties of other sorts, and even a deep intimacy. But when it comes to matters of the soul, of the spirit, of the Eternity!--Christ encourages us to marry only those who share our love for Him--and who believe what He taught us.

That makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, if your religion is only cultural, or ethnic, and your faith doesn't really touch your spirit and affect your everyday life, then for that matter, you have freedom to marry any ol' one! For that matter, Christ does not CONDEMN us if we don't marry a fellow brother, but he does warn us that life is gonna get a whole lot harder if we do.

So, my advice is to think not only in terms of the body and mind (when you choose a husband) but also of the eternity.

And, by the way, I loved this column!

md24 (7) 21 Sep 2009 10:45 AM

I am a 24 year old Catholic and have a 9 year old son. I recently met a very interesting Muslim man, he is interested in me, but he does not know I have a child. Would he take me serious knowing I have a child? Please advice.

exmuslim (20) 04 Oct 2009 08:40 PM

Top ten rules in the Quran that oppress and insult women

Islam in its purest form honors and elevates women, so we are told. But does it?

Truthfully, too often textual reality (the Quran) matches up with seventh-century Arabia. Gender inequality and oppression in the Quran reflect this excessively patriarchal culture. If Allah and Muhammad improved on this patriarchy, then they did not go far enough for a worldwide religion that claims universality.

Therefore, the following rules and attitudes should in no way be transferred to today's world.

But before reading the list, we should prevent a strategy of Muslim polemicists and missionaries who believe that Islam is the best religion in the world and who want it to spread around the globe. Sometimes they attempt to refute my top ten lists. But attempting to refute such a list is like reviewing a long book only from the last chapter. The reviewer has skipped over the hard work of reading all the preceding chapters. Likewise, Muslim polemicists must not skip over all of the links under each point or all of the commentary from a respected and traditional Muslim scholar, Sayyid Abul A'la Maududi (d. 1979) (The Meaning of the Qur'an). They must not take a shortcut, but must instead do the hard work of refuting all of the supporting articles and Maududi himself. This present "top ten" article is merely a summary of all of the data found in these back-up articles and Maududi's ideas, all of which are quickly referenced under each point.

Here are the top ten rules in the Quran that oppress and insult women.

10. A husband has sex with his wife, as a plow goes into a dirt field.

The Quran in Sura (Chapter) 2:223 says:

Your women are your fields, so go into your fields whichever way you like . . . . (MAS Abdel Haleem, The Qur'an, Oxford UP, 2004)

We should make no mistake about this verse. It includes sexual positions. In a footnote to this verse, Haleem says that Muslims in Medina heard from the Jews that "a child born from a woman approached from behind would have a squint."

The hadith are the reports of Muhammad's words and actions outside of the Quran. Two reliable hadith collectors and editors are Bukhari (d. 870), Muslim (d. 875). After the Quran, the hadith come second in importance and sacredness among the vast majority of Muslims around the world.

Since the hadith is explicit, the readers are invited to click here and read for themselves, at their own discretion: Muslim nos. 3363-3365.

See these parallel hadith here and here.

We should have no doubt that the husband controlled their sex life. If a woman does not want to have sex, then angels curse her.

. . . "If a man invites his wife to sleep with him and she refuses to come to him, then the angels send their curses on her till morning." (Bukhari)

Here is the back-up article. This one also provides back up material. See the section at the beginning "Women Are Men's Property."

9. Husbands are a degree above their wives.

The Quran in Sura 2:228 says:

. . . Wives have the same rights as the husbands have on them in accordance with the generally known principles. Of course, men are a degree above them in status . . . (Sayyid Abul A'La Maududi, The Meaning of the Qur'an, vol. 1, p. 165)

Gender inequality shows up in a theological context. This hadith shows that the majority of the inhabitants of hell are women.

The Prophet said, "I looked at Paradise and found poor people forming the majority of its inhabitants; and I looked at Hell and saw that the majority of its inhabitants were women." (Bukhari, emphasis added; see also these parallel traditions here and here.)

This parallel hadith explains that the majority of the inhabitants of hell are women because they are ungrateful and harsh towards their husbands. There is no word about the husbands' ingratitude and harshness. It should be noted that some Muslim missionaries and polemicists assert that since women make up the majority of the world, it only stands to reason that they would be the majority in hell. In reply, however, this misses the point-and may miss the possibility that women may be more spiritual than men. Regardless, the reason that women make up the majority in hell is their harshness and ingratitude. So it has nothing to do with a mathematical majority. Islam clearly does not honor women.

See this article for details on women in Islamic hell.

Muhammad was also superstitious (see here for the evidence). This next hadith says that women are part of an evil omen.

I heard the Prophet saying. "Evil omen is in three things: The horse, the woman and the house." (Bukhari)

Here is the back-up article. This one is too (scroll down to the Endnotes and see the brief discussion about Muslim women in hell).

8. A male gets a double share of the inheritance over that of a female.

The Quran in Sura 4:11 says:

The share of the male shall be twice that of a female . . . . (Maududi, vol. 1, p. 311)

For how this religious law works out in early Islam, see these hadith here and here and here.

Malik (d. 795) is a founder of a major school of law. He composed a law book that is also considered a collection of reliable hadith: Al-Muwatta of Imam Malik ibn Anas: The First Formation of Islamic Law (rev. trans. Aisha Bewley, Inverness, Scotland: Madina Press, 1989, 2001). Malik writes:

The generally agreed upon way of doing things among us . . . about fixed shares of inheritance (fara'id) of children from the mother or father when one or the other dies is that if they leave male and female children, the male takes the portion of two females.

This Islamic law is regressive. But in the US, for example, the inheritance is divided equally among all siblings, regardless of the gender. No religious law prohibits this from happening in advance. So American secular law fits into a modern context better, where women have more economic opportunities and freedom.

This online booklet has a short explanation on women's inheritance "rights." Click on Chapter 15.

Along with the previous link, here is the back-up article.

7. A woman's testimony counts half of a man's testimony.

The Quran in Sura 2:282 says:

And let two men from among you bear witness to all such documents [contracts of loans without interest]. But if two men be not available, there should be one man and two women to bear witness so that if one of the women forgets (anything), the other may remind her. (Maududi, vol. 1, p. 205).

It seems that the foundational reason for having two women witnesses is that one of the women may "forget" something. This goes to the nature of womankind. Philosophers teach us that one of the main differences between animals and humans lies in humankind's rationality. But this verse implies that a woman's mind is weak.

This hadith removes any ambiguity about women's abilities in Sura 2:282:

The Prophet said, "Isn't the witness of a woman equal to half of that of a man?" The women said, "Yes." He said, "This is because of the deficiency of a woman's mind." (Bukhari, emphasis added)

Here is the back-up article, and so is this one. This article too explains Islam's view on women's mental inabilities (scroll down to "Women Are Inferior to Men"), citing many hadith and Muslim commentators.

6. A wife may remarry her ex-husband if and only if she marries another man, they have sex, and then this second man divorces her.

The Quran in Sura 2:230 says:

And if the husband divorces his wife (for the third time), she shall not remain his lawful wife after this (absolute) divorce, unless she marries another husband and the second husband divorces her. (In that case) there is no harm if they [the first couple] remarry . . . . (Maududi, vol. 1, p. 165)

The finally and absolutely divorced couple is not permitted to remarry each other unless she marries another man, they have sex, and he divorces her. Sura 2:230 engenders a divorce on the road to a possible reconciliation. Why should it be necessary to have the intervening steps of a second marriage and divorce before the first couple can work out their differences and get back together?

To see this tragedy in real life, go to this question and answer at a traditional Muslim fatwa website. Apparently, a Muslim husband pronounced divorce three times, the divorce is final, and now he regrets his decision made in haste and anger. The cleric or scholar says that they are allowed to reconcile only if she follows the Quranic steps of her marrying someone else, consummating that marriage, and then his divorcing her. However, Islam should allow this original divorced couple to reunite without the intervening steps or without an analysis of different levels of anger (click on the link). Let them reconcile-period.

As for divorce generally,

This article analyzes the ethics behind Quranic divorce procedures and contrasts them with the New Testament.

This very short article at a Muslim website shows concern for the divorce rate in Islam.

This short page at a Muslim website explains divorce.

This short article at a (sectarian) Muslim website also gives an overview on divorce, under the larger section on women.

The next two links demonstrate that sharia (Islamic law) generally must not be allowed to spread around the world.

This news report says that problems emerge in the modern world during the Islamic divorce proceedings.

This news report says that Malaysia permits "text messaging" divorce.

At this Muslim website an Islamic scholar answers the question of a Muslim who wrote in about divorce.

Here is a fatwa (legal decree) on divorce from a Muslim website.

These links add up to this: Islamic divorce is ambiguous and favors the man.

Here is the back-up article, and this one replies to a Muslim polemicist. It analyzes the differences between Christianity and Islam on divorce.

5. Slave-girls are sexual property for their male owners.

The Quran in Sura 4:24 says:

And forbidden to you are wedded wives of other people except those who have fallen in your hands (as prisoners of war) . . . (Maududi, vol. 1, p. 319).

Sayyid Maududi (d. 1979), a highly respected traditional commentator and scholar, says in his comment on the verse that is it lawful for Muslim holy warriors to marry women prisoners of war even when their husbands are still alive. But what happens if the husbands are captured with their wives? Maududi cites a school of law that says Muslims may not marry them, but two other schools say that the marriage between the captive husbands and wives is broken (note 44). But why would a debate over this cruelty emerge in the first place? No sex or marriage should take place between married female prisoners of war and their captors. In fact, no sex should take place between women captives and their Muslim overlords. But Islam traffics in injustice too often.

Islam allows deep immorality with women who are in their most helpless condition. This crime is reprehensible, but Allah wills it nonetheless-the Quran says so.

For more information on this Quran-inspired immorality, see this short article.

See also Suras 4:3; 23:5-6; 33:50; 70:22-30, all of which permit male slave-owners to have sex with their slave-girls. Suras 23:5-6 and 70:22-230 allow men to have sex with them in the Meccan period, during times of peace before Muhammad initiated his skirmishes and wars while being based in Medina.

The hadith demonstrate that Muslim jihadists actually have sex with the captured women, whether or not they are married. In the following hadith passage, Khumus is one-fifth of the spoils of war.

Ali, Muhammad's cousin and son-in-law, just finished a relaxing bath. Why?

The Prophet sent Ali to Khalid to bring the Khumus (of the booty) and . . . Ali had taken a bath (after a sexual act with a slave-girl from the Khumus).

What was Muhammad's response to the person who hated Ali for this sexual act?

Do you hate Ali for this? . . . Don't hate him, for he deserves more than that from [the] Khumus. (Bukhari)

This hadith shows that Muhammad was intimate with his slave-girls.

Moreover, jihadists may not practice coitus interruptus with the women they capture, but not for the reason that the reader may expect. While on a military campaign and away from their wives, Muslim jihadists "received captives from among the Arab captives and we desired women and celibacy became hard on us and we loved to do coitus interruptus." They asked the prophet about this, and it is important to note what he did not say. He did not scold them or prohibit any kind of sex whatsoever. Rather, he invokes the murky, quirky doctrine of fate:

It is better for you not to do so [practice coitus interruptus]. There is no person that is destined to exist, but will come to existence, till the Day of Resurrection. (Bukhari; also go here and here)

That is, these enquiring Muslims should stop doing coitus interruptus, but instead go all the way with the enslaved sex objects. Fate controls who should be born.

It is one thing for some soldiers in any army to strike out on their own and rape women. All armies have criminal soldiers who commit this wrong act. But it is quite another to codify rape in a sacred text.

This article quotes the Quran and many hadith passages on sex with prisoners of war. It also analyzes modern Islamic scholars on the topic. They support this practice. In Appendix One, the author answers a Muslim charge that the Old Testament allows this practice. Besides, Jesus fulfills the Old Testament in the areas of human, economic relations (and more areas; see the link).

This article provides further details on Muhammad's encouragement to his soldiers to "do it."

Besides the two previous links, here is the back-up article.

4. A man may be polygamous with up to four wives.

The Quran in Sura 4:3 says:

And if you be apprehensive that you will not be able to do justice to the orphans, you may marry two or three or four women whom you choose. But if you apprehend that you might not be able to do justice to them, then marry only one wife, or marry those who have fallen in your possession. (Maududi, vol. 1, p. 305)

The clause "marry those who have fallen in your possession" means slave-girls who were captured after a war. Men may "marry" them because slaves do not incur very much expense, not as much as free women do. This means that the limit on four wives is artificial. Men could have sex with as many slave-girls as they wanted.

Maududi paraphrases the verse: "If you need more than one [wife] but are afraid that you might not be able to do justice to your wives from among the free people, you may turn to slave girls because in that case you will be burdened with less responsibilities" (note 6) (See Sura 4:24).

However, Muhammad would not allow polygamy for his son-in-law Ali, because an extra wife would hurt Muhammad's first daughter Fatima, by his first wife Khadija. Fatima was married to Ali.

I heard Allah's Apostle who was on the pulpit, saying, "Banu Hisham bin Al-Mughira have requested me to allow them to marry their daughter to Ali bin Abu Talib, but I don't give permission, and will not give permission unless 'Ali bin Abi Talib divorces my daughter in order to marry their daughter, because Fatima is a part of my body, and I hate what she hates to see, and what hurts her, hurts me." (Bukhari)

Despite the fact that Muhammad is very much aware that polygamy is hurtful and insulting to women, he still practices it himself and allows it for his followers in general.

Muhammad's "special" marriage privileges

Moreover, it seems that Allah gave Muhammad special permission to marry as many women as he desired or take them as slaves or concubines, just as in the pre-Islamic days of "ignorance."

The Quran in Sura 33:50, a lengthy verse, grants Muhammad wide latitude in his marriages:

O Prophet, We have made lawful to you those of your wives, whose dowers you have paid, and those women who come into your possession out of the slave-girls granted by Allah, and the daughters of your paternal uncles and aunts, and of your maternal uncles and aunts, who have migrated with you, and the believing woman who gives herself to the Prophet, if the Prophet may desire her. This privilege is for you only, not for the other believers . . . . (Maududi vol. 4, p. 111, emphasis added).

This verse says that besides those women whose dower Muhammad paid, he may marry slave-girls-that is, he may have sex with them (see this article for this Quran-inspired immorality). Maududi references three slave-girls taken during raids, and Mary the Copt, a gift from an Egyptian ruler. Muhammad had sex with her, and there does not seem to be a political need for this. Second, Muhammad may marry his first cousins, and Maududi cites a case in which this happened. Third, if a believing woman offers herself to Muhammad, and he desires her, then he may marry her (Maududi vol. 4, note 88).

This hadith shows that Muhammad was intimate with his slave-girls.

But the capstone of these "special" marriages occurs when Muhammad also marries the ex-wife (Zainab) of his adopted son (Zaid). His son-in-law divorced her with the prophet standing in the background. In fact, early Islamic sources say that Muhammad catches a glimpse of his daughter-in-law in a state of undress, so he desired her. Once the divorce is final, Allah reveals to him that this marriage between father-in-law and daughter-in-law is legal and moral in Sura 33:36-44.

This hadith says that Muhammad used to visit nine (or eleven) wives in one night. See the parallel hadith here, here, and here.

This article explains why Christians do not accept polygamy.

This page in an online index explains polygamy.

For a more thorough analysis of polygamy in the Quran, go to this online booklet and click on Chapter 12.

See this article on the number of wives and human sexual property Muhammad allowed himself.

Besides the previous four links, here is the back-up article. At the end, it links to more articles on the dubious marriage and divorce of Zaid, Zainab, and Muhammad.

3. A Muslim polygamist may simply get rid of one of his undesirable wives.

The Quran in Sura 4:129 says:

It is not within your power to be perfectly equitable in your treatment with all your wives, even if you wish to be so; therefore, (in order to satisfy the dictates of Divine Law) do not lean towards one wife so as to leave the other in a state of suspense. (Maududi, vol. 1, p. 381)

Maududi provides an interpretation of the verse (vol. 1, pp. 383-84, note 161). He writes:

Allah made it clear that the husband cannot literally keep equality between two or more wives because they themselves cannot be equal in all respects. It is too much to demand from a husband that he should mete out equal treatment to a beautiful wife and to an ugly wife, to a young wife and to an old wife, to a healthy wife and to an invalid wife, and to a good natured wife and to an ill-natured wife. These and like things naturally make a husband more inclined towards one wife than towards the other.

This means that wives are the source of a man's inability to treat all of them equally. One is beautiful, while another is ugly. How can Allah demand from a husband super-human strength under changing circumstances in his wives?

Maududi continues:

In such cases, the Islamic law does not demand equal treatment between them in affection and love. What it does demand is that a wife should not be neglected as to be practically reduced to the position of the woman who has no husband at all. If the husband does not divorce her for any reason or at her own request, she should at least be treated as a wife. It is true that under such circumstances the husband is naturally inclined towards a favorite wife, but he should not, so to say, keep the other in such a state of suspense as if she were not his wife.

Maududi says here that the wife should not be suspended between marriage and divorce. If the husband stays with the no-longer desirable wife, then he should treat her fairly and provide for her.

Where may Maududi get his idea about keeping or divorcing an unattractive wife?

This article (see "the unpleasant truth behind divorce in Sura 4:130") demonstrates that Muhammad wanted to divorce one of his wives because she was overweight and old. Instead of a divorce, she gave up her "turn" in the "rotation" with the prophet, who gladly agreed with her proposal. See these three hadith here, here and here.

In addition to the link to the previous article, here is the back-up article.

2. Husbands may hit their wives even if the husbands merely fear highhandedness in their wives (quite apart from whether they actually are highhanded-as if domestic violence in any form is acceptable).

The Quran in Sura 4:34 says:

4:34 . . . If you fear highhandedness from your wives, remind them [of the teaching of God], then ignore them when you go to bed, then hit them. If they obey you, you have no right to act against them. God is most high and great. (Haleem, emphasis added)

The hadith says that Muslim women in the time of Muhammad were suffering from domestic violence in the context of confusing marriage laws:

Rifa'a divorced his wife whereupon 'AbdurRahman bin Az-Zubair Al-Qurazi married her. 'Aisha said that the lady (came), wearing a green veil (and complained to her (Aisha) of her husband and showed her a green spot on her skin caused by beating). It was the habit of ladies to support each other, so when Allah's Apostle came, 'Aisha said, "I have not seen any woman suffering as much as the believing women. Look! Her skin is greener than her clothes!" (Bukhari, emphasis added)

This hadith shows Muhammad hitting his girl-bride, Aisha, daughter of Abu Bakr, his right-hand Companion:

"He [Muhammad] struck me [Aisha] on the chest which caused me pain." (Muslim no. 2127)

See this article for fuller details on wife-beating. It clarifies many translations of the verse. At the end, it has many links to modern interpretations of Sura 4:34 and to arguments for wife-beating today.

This article, though long, offers a clear analysis of wife-beating, examining the hadith and other early source documents, as well as refuting modern Muslim polemics.

This mid-length article answers a Muslim defense.

This article is a superb analysis of the subject, giving various translations of Sura 4:34. It cites the hadith and classical commentaries and refutes modern defenses.

Finally, this article is thorough in examining the Quran and hadith and Muslim polemics.

1. Mature men are allowed to marry prepubescent girls.

The Quran in Sura 65:1, 4 says:

65:1 O Prophet, when you (and the believers) divorce women, divorce them for their prescribed waiting-period and count the waiting-period accurately . . . 4 And if you are in doubt about those of your women who have despaired of menstruation, (you should know that) their waiting period is three months, and the same applies to those who have not menstruated as yet. As for pregnant women, their period ends when they have delivered their burden. (Maududi, vol. 5, pp. 599 and 617, emphasis added)

Maududi correctly interprets the plain meaning of verse 4, which appears in the context of divorce:

Therefore, making mention of the waiting-period for girls who have not yet menstruated, clearly proves that it is not only permissible to give away the girl at this age but it is permissible for the husband to consummate marriage with her. Now, obviously no Muslim has the right to forbid a thing which the Qur'an has held as permissible. (Maududi, vol. 5, p. 620, note 13, emphasis added)

Divorcing prepubescent girls implies marriage to them. So the fathers of prepubescent girls may give them away, and their new husbands may consummate their marriage with them. If Islam ever spread around the world, no one should be surprised if Quran-believing Muslims lowered the marriage age of girls to nine years old.

This is precisely what happened in Iran after the religious revolution of Ayatollah Khomeini. A girl's marriage age was lowered to nine years.

Why should this surprise us? After all, Muhammad was betrothed to Aisha when she was six, and he consummated their union when she was only nine.

The hadith says:

. . . [T]hen he [Muhammad] wrote the marriage (wedding) contract with Aishah when she was a girl of six years of age, and he consumed [sic, consummated] that marriage when she was nine years old. (Bukhari; since this is a serious issue, see the parallel hadith here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here)

This hadith demonstrates that Muhammad pursued Aisha when she was a little girl.

The Prophet asked Abu Bakr for 'Aisha's hand in marriage. Abu Bakr said "But I am your brother." The Prophet said, "You are my brother in Allah's religion and His Book, but she (Aisha) is lawful for me to marry." (Bukhari; see this hadith that shows Muhammad's dream life in regards to his pursuit of little Aisha, and this one and this one. These last three links contrast with Muhammad's pursuit of Aisha through her father Abu Bakr. Apparently Muhammad did not wait for Allah to fulfill his desire for a six year old, but took matters in his own hands.

This hadith recounts the fifty-plus-year-old Muhammad's and the nine-year-old Aisha's first sexual encounter. She was playing on her swing set with her girlfriends when she got the call.

. . . [M]y mother, Um Ruman, came to me while I was playing in a swing with some of my girl friends. She called me, and I went to her, not knowing what she wanted to do to me. She caught me by the hand and made me stand at the door of the house. I was breathless then, and when my breathing became all right, she took some water and rubbed my face and head with it. Then she took me into the house. There in the house I saw some Ansari women who said, "Best wishes and Allah's Blessing and a good luck." Then she entrusted me to them and they prepared me (for the marriage). Unexpectedly Allah's Apostle came to me in the forenoon and my mother handed me over to him, and at that time I was a girl of nine years of age. (Bukhari; see a parallel hadith here)

This hadith describes Muhammad counseling a Muslim man to marry a young virgin for the extra thrill it gives him to fondle her, and she him.

When I got married, Allah's Apostle said to me, "What type of lady have you married?" I replied, "I have married a matron." He said, "Why, don't you have a liking for the virgins and for fondling them?" Jabir also said: Allah's Apostle said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl so that you might play with her and she with you?" (Bukhari) See parallel hadith here and here.

This hadith describes Muhammad's and Aisha's ill-timed sexual encounters:

Narrated 'Aisha:

The Prophet and I used to take a bath from a single pot while we were Junub. During the menses, he used to order me to put on an Izar (dress worn below the waist) and used to fondle me. While in Itikaf, he used to bring his head near me and I would wash it while I used to be in my periods (menses). (Bukhari)

For more evidence on this most outlandish of Muhammad's domestic acts even for seventh-century Arabia, readers should refer to this article.

This article responds to Muslim defenses of this indefensible Quranic permission.

This summary of a news reports reveals Pakistan lowering the marriage age to twelve for a girl.

According to this report an ethnic minority in China allows marriages for girls at nine years old. The report says that Islam has influenced this minority and practice.

This is a great article analyzing the marriage age of women in the Bible.

Conclusion

The nightmare must end for women in Islamic countries.

But the political and legal hierarchies in the Islamic world do not seem ready to reform on women's rights. Here is a 1998 interview with Shirin Ebadi, one of the first female judges in Iran. She correctly sees abuses in Iranian law, which favors men. However, what has been done about these abuses?

Zohreh Arshadi "was a practising lawyer in Iran prior to her forced exile to Europe. She is currently an advocate in France and is active in human rights and especially of the rights of women. She has been especially active in defence of the rights of women in Iran." She reports on the inequities in Iranian law as it pertains to women:

The Islamic punishments have encouraged a culture of violence against women, especially within the family and has spilled into violence against children. This has been commented upon by many within the country . . . The fact that men receive a lighter punishment if they commit a violence against women undoubtedly encourages such violence. We saw how women could be killed with impunity during alleged adultery. Stoning to death for adultery, although technically admissible for both sexes, has also been carried out mainly against women.

Though these two examples come from Iran, they could multiply throughout the Islamic world. However, the legal hierarchies understand the cost of reform: abandoning many verses in the Quran and many passages in the hadith, and this they cannot do.

A sign of hope? The Iraqi Constitution, so far, says that 25% of the seats in the Parliament are specified for women. So maybe reform can be encouraged in a fledgling democracy.

But if Islamic nations, especially those who follow sharia (Islamic law) closely, refuse to reform, then the second best strategy must be played out. Islam must never be allowed to impose its sharia system of "justice" anywhere in the West and around the world. No sharia courts should be permitted outside of the Islamic world. The Quran-the ultimate source of sharia-oppresses women specifically and people generally.

The Islamic holy book is too patriarchal and culture-bound to be relevant to the new millennium.

This present article has two companion top ten lists: here and here. All three lists demonstrate Islamic harshness and violence-especially six hundred years after Jesus came and showed us a better way.

Jesus saves. Muhammad oppressed.

Supplemental Material

The readers may go to these three sites for other translations of the Quran: this one has multiple translations; this one has three; and this conservative translation is subsidized by the Saudi royal family.

Here is the website for the online hadith.

A good online resource for the historical context of a sura is here, where Maududi provides excellent background material.

Part One of an article, leading to two other parts, is one of the best and most thorough discussions of women in Islam. It analyzes many Quranic verses, hadith passages, and modern Islamic views, more than this top ten list can cite and analyze. For fair-minded readers, the three-part article is a convincing assessment, leading to one conclusion: Islam dishonors and even abuses women in many areas of life, according to the original source documents of Islam. If Muslim polemicists and missionaries have time on their hands, they should attempt to refute these articles instead of this top ten list, which is only a summary of many other articles and links, like this three-parter.

This webpage has a number of links to women's issues, as well.

This is a superb overview of the Quran and hadith on women's inferior status in Islam.

This online booklet explores the differing ideas in Islam and Christianity on the place of women.

This short article reviews Jesus' attitude towards women.

This short booklet has an excellent overview on Islam and women's role.

This news report states that women in Pakistan have lost the fight to reform rape laws. The report says:

Statutes known as the Hudood ordinances, based on sharia law, currently operate in Pakistan. They require a female rape victim to produce four male witnesses to corroborate her account, or she risks facing a new charge of adultery.

Most women refuse to report a rape for fear they will be treated as a criminal.

Under current laws, a victim risks courting punishment if she reports a rape allegation as the Hudood ordinances criminalise all extra-marital sex.

A woman who fails to prove that she was raped could then be charged with adultery under the same legislation.

According to a 2002 report by the Human Rights Commission of Pakistan, a woman is raped every two hours and gang raped every eight hours.

However, because of social taboos, discriminatory laws and victimisation of victims by police, campaigners say that the scale of rape is almost certainly higher.

Why must the (raped) woman bring four witnesses? The Quran in Sura 24:4 says:

And those who accuse chaste women, and produce not four witnesses, flog them with eighty stripes, and reject their testimony forever, they indeed are the Fasiqun (liars, rebellious, disobedient to Allah).

Evidently, if a woman cannot produce four witnesses, then she must be whipped or flogged.

MEMRI TV reports that Saudi TV aired a talk show that discussed this issue. Scrolling three-fourths of the way down the link, the readers can see an Islamic scholar holding up sample rods that husbands may use to hit their wives.

Memri TV has a transcript of an Iraqi cleric who says that certain nations allow husbands to beat their wives and do not protest it. On the other hand, Islamic societies provide guidelines, such as not hitting on the face and not severely.

Memri TV also has a video clip and transcript of Sheik Yusouf al-Qaradhawi who made commotion in London for opposing homosexuals and advocating wife beating. He says that wife beating is not done by the "best" among the Muslims. Reply: But why is it enshrined in the eternal word of Allah? Muslims constantly bring up the beating done with a toothpick. A toothpick in Muhammad's day was something like a thin branch or long twig. Granted, it could not kill, but it could inflict pain. No one should beat his wife, even threaten to beat her. Why cannot Muslims see this? The Quran says it is legitimate. Of course, he blames the "Zionist lobby" for any persecution he believes that he suffered. This is also irrational.

MEMRI TV has a video clip and a transcript of an Egyptian cleric who says that a man may kill his wife if he catches her in the act of adultery (in flagrante delicto), but his murder of her must take place within a short time of catching her. His punishment is reduced to a mere misdemeanor, which carries a light sentence. The wife, on the other hand, if she kills her husband immediately after the act, does not get a reduced sentence. Why not? The other woman in bed with the first woman's husband may be one of his wives.

MEMRI TV has a transcript of a Bahraini cleric outlining the rules for wife-beating. Apparently, it never occurs to these clerics that this practice is wrong for all times and all places. Bluntly said, Muhammad was misguided in Sura 4:34.

MEMRI TV also provides a transcript of a woman reformer in Saudi Arabia who says women should have more rights. Her battle is noble, but she is fighting uphill.

MEMRI TV has a video clip and a transcript showing a Saudi cleric, a member of the Shura Council, arguing for the rights of women to drive cars. The tone of the exchange reveals that the moderate cleric (moderate on this issue at least) is fighting an impossible battle.

However, MEMRI TV has a video clip and a transcript of another Saudi cleric arguing against giving women the right to drive cars.

This present article criticises Amina Wadud's shaky exegesis of Sura 4:34, but this report shows her leading Muslim prayers for men and women in a church. (Muslims were only able to prevent it from happening in a mosque, but object against her leading prayers anywhere in front of a mixed congregation). The report cites other women who have done this, as well. It also reports on Muslim reactions to this new development. Further discussion and links regarding Amina Wadud's move are found in the Index to Islam on this site.

The man designated by Iran's hard-line President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as his Minister of Justice vowed that "improperly-veiled women" will be treated as if they had no Islamic veil at all.

Jamal Karimi-Rad told the local press, "Being improperly veiled and not wearing a veil are no different. When it is clear from the appearance of a woman that she has violated the law, then the crime is obvious and law enforcement agents can take legal measures against her".

"Crimes such as mal-veiling or other prohibited acts, which happen before the eyes of a law enforcement agent, are evident crimes and must be dealt with in accordance with the law", Karimi-Rad said.

Sharia oppresses women because it offers them no freedom of choice. If a Muslim woman volunteers to wear a veil or head covering, then that is her prerogative. However, she should be free not to wear one, without being punished as a criminal.

Following are excerpts from a TV debate on women appearing on Saudi TV, which aired on LBC TV on March 25, 2007.

Interviewer: Does the appearance of Saudi women on TV run counter to Islamic law?

Saudi cleric Nasser Al-Huneini: What we want is for women [to reveal] their culture and intellect. We want women to play a role in the development of society. But a woman who insists upon appearing on TV insists upon showing her body. Why do we act unjustly towards women by saying that we can only benefit from them by presenting them to people this way?

[...]

Interviewer: How did you feel when you read about the debate in the Saudi Shura Council about the appearance of Saudi women in the media?

Saudi newscaster Buthayna Nasser: I felt a sense of injustice and indignation, of course.

Nasser Al-Huneini: On the issue of the hijab, all religious scholars are in agreement that if revealing a woman's face might lead to temptation and other things, it is forbidden. In addition, even when they permitted the revealing of the woman's face, they placed restrictions on this. Even Sheik Al-Albani did so. They stated that only the face and the palms may be exposed. The woman is not allowed to expose her neck or her hair. She is not allowed to appear with make-up or jewelry. The religious scholars have all agreed upon this.

[...]

Buthayna Nasser: Sir, when I appear on TV, and when I claim my right to play a role in this professional field, I demand that my face, which constitutes my identity, be seen. Under no circumstances am I prepared to allow my identity to be obliterated.

[...]

Who are these people who wish to decide for me how I should behave? Why do you treat me as less qualified just because I am a woman? Why is there always a male voice deciding how I should behave? The Lord created me equal to you in my duties, punishment, and reward. When you fast, I fast. When you pray, I pray. When you steal, your hand is cut off, and when I steal, my hand is cut off. This is the greatest evidence that I am not less qualified. I know what I am doing, and I know how to maintain my honor. (Source)

In March 2004, Homa Arjomand, coordinator of the campaign to stop a sharia court in Canada, delivered this speech outlining the abuses that inhere in Islamic law, pertaining to women. Needless to say, sharia favors men's rights excessively, at the expense of women's rights. Arjomand tells the story of a sixteen-year-old who was forced to marry a twenty-nine-year-old and suffered physical abuse at his hands. How could this abuse be otherwise, when Allah commanded it in the first place?

exmuslim (20) 04 Oct 2009 08:44 PM

Women in the Qur'an

The life of women in Muslim countries today cannot be understood apart from reflecting on the Qur'an first, and then hadiths (traditions) and laws that have been created due to the influence of the Qur'an.

There are many passages dealing with men and women, and they are scattered throughout the Qur'an, but there are a number declaring that God created man and woman. At first this implies some equality, but on a closer study, women are not equal in any important sense. They are equal when it comes to faith and believing, but then the result of this believing does not bring equality in life. Sura 4:124 declares "And whosoever does deeds of righteousness, be it male or female, believing-they shall enter Paradise and not be wronged a single date-spot."1 The same thought is expressed in Sura 16:97, with a slightly different emphasis, "And whosoever does a righteous deed, be it male or female, believing, We shall assuredly give him to live a goodly life; and We shall recompense them their wage, according to the best of what they did." The repetition of this is again expressed in Sura 40:40, and almost similarly in Sura 53:45, when it is declared that God created male and female. (See also Sura 92:3 and 75:39 for the same thought.)

There are a variety of passages that suggest a bit different analysis regarding the status of women in the Qur'an. Wives on earth are still wives in Paradise with an exception that their impurity is gone. (Sura 2:25) Being no longer subject to the menstrual cycle is one bit of good news in the Qur'an. Now in natural living the cycle is gone when a woman reaches middle age or thereabouts, but wives in Paradise are believed to be always the same age as their husbands. The tradition states that wives and husbands would be about 30 or 33 years of age forever. To declare that a woman would be without impurity at age 30 or 33 would make sense, since that is a threatening time for women on earth who may not want to be pregnant. (The repetition of the passage is seen in 3:15 and 4:57.)

Although women may well read this as good news for themselves, in the overall context of the Qur'an which will emerge later in this article, it seems more likely intended to be good news to the men, because women who do not have menstrual bleeding anymore will always be available for sex, i.e. women will loose their only valid excuse to refuse their husband's demand for intercourse. Moreover, it is not even so clear whether these pure companions promised to the believers in 2:25, 3:15, and 4:57 are actually their earthly wives (in 'purified form') or whether they are not rather a reference to the houris that will be given to the male Muslim who enter paradise. (See the article, Did Allah forget the wives?)

There is another strain of thought running through the Qur'an and it involves paradise through the eyes of the male, rather than the female being there on her own right and because of her own faith. Paradise is described as a man's world where he shall eat and drink with easy digestion. "Reclining upon couches ranged in rows; and We shall espouse them to wide-eyed houris," (52:20) or as Sales translated it, "virgins having large black eyes." (p. 506)

In Sura 37:44 the faithful have waiting for them fruits and high honor where they recline on couches face to face with spring water passed around to them "and with them wide-eyes maidens restraining their glances."

In Sura 38:52, the description is similar with an additional qualifier that the maidens are of equal age to the males. The men recline, are given abundant fruits, and the maidens are around them restraining their glances. Sale translated the additional description of maidens "refraining their looks from beholding any besides their spouses." (p. 447) In Sura 44:51 a little different emphasis is made. The Qur'an says, "Surely the god-fearing shall be in a station secure among gardens and fountains, robed in silk and brocade, set face to face. Even so, and We shall espouse them to wide-eyed houris, therein calling for every fruit, secure."

In Sura 56:23 Paradise is described with the fruit, couches, and "maidens restraining their glances, untouched before them by any men or jinn...lovely as rubies, beautiful as coral."

A paragraph later the maidens are said to be "good and comely...houris, cloister in cool pavilions...untouched before them by any man or jinn." Sura 56:10-25 describes the same scene in paradise with the couches, reclining face to face, with immortal youths going round about them with goblets, and ewers, and a cup from a spring (no brows throbbing, no intoxication) and such fruits as they shall choose, and such flesh of fowl as they desire, and wide-eyed houris as the likeness of hidden pearls, a recompense for that they labored." The Sura continues to underscore the fact that God created the spotless virgins, "chastely amorous, like of age for the Companions of the Right." Sura 78:32-33 confirms again the reward of the god-fearing who will be given a place of security, "gardens and vineyards and maidens with swelling breasts, like of age, and a cup overflowing."

The non-Muslims can read these statements and a number of questions arise.

First, what is the reward for faithful women? They are promised paradise, but at best they are ignored in the reward system. Second, the men seemed to be rewarded the beautiful damsels of like age, and since there is no explanation in the Qur'an, it would seem that the female believers lose out on things. On the one hand it seems that they are equal to the men in being welcomed to Paradise in some of the passages, but on the other hand, appear to be replaced by the dark eyed houris. Third, whatever the solution to this question, paradise is clearly the reward for the men rather than the women.

These are issues about Paradise for the female. Down on earth things are quite different but not much better in many ways. Men's wives are compared to a garden, their tillage, "so come unto your tillage as you wish." (Sura 2:223) But in spite of this general attitude toward a husband's sexuality, there are some limitations. When one is going on the Pilgrimage a man should "not go into his womenfolk, nor indulge in ungodliness and disputing in the Pilgrimage." (Sura 2:197) Women are not to engage in sex with their husbands during their monthly course. They are not to have sex until the wives are "clean." (Sura 2:222)

The Day of Judgment is the basis for purity for the man and woman. Because of their "chastisement none feels secure and guard their private parts save from their wives and what their right hand owns...." (Sura 70:29-31) Sale translated this as abstaining from "carnal knowledge of women other than their wives, or the slaves which their right hands posses (for as to them they shall be blameless; but whoever coveteth any women besides these, they are transgressors.)" (Sale, p. 552)

We have observed many Muslim cultures in which women cover themselves almost completely. The inspiration for this is in the Qur'an. Sura 33:59 declares, "O Prophet, say to thy wives and daughters and the believing women, that they draw their veils close to them; so it is likelier they will be known, and not hurt." Sale gave a more detailed interpretation translation, women are to "cast their outer garments over them when they walk abroad; this will be more proper, that they may be known to be matrons of reputation, and may not be affronted by unseemly words or actions." (p. 417)

Greater detail is given concerning the covering of women in Sura 24:30-31. The Qur'an says, "Say to the believers, that they cast down their eyes and guard their private parts; that is purer for them. God is aware of the things they work, and say to the believing women, that they cast down their eyes and guard their private parts, and reveal not their adornment save such as is outward and let them cast their veils over their bosoms, and not reveal their adornment save to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband's father, or their sons, or their husband's son, or their sister's sons, or their women, or what their right hands own, or such men as attend them, not having sexual desire, or children who have not yet attained knowledge of women's private parts; nor let them stamp their feet, so that their hidden ornaments may be known."

The subordinate position of women in society is reinforced in other contexts. Sura 2:228 states, "Women have such honorable rights as obligations, but their men have a degree above them." Sale is more to the point in declaring that "the women ought also to behave towards their husbands in like manner as their husbands should behave toward them, according to what is just; but the men ought to have a superiority over them. God is mighty and wise." (p. 32) The superiority is expressed in another fashion toward their wives. "Men are the managers of the affairs of women for that God has preferred in bounty one of them over another, and for that they have expended of their property. Righteous women are therefore obedient, guarding the secret for God's guarding. And those you fear may be rebellious admonish; banish them to their couches, and beat them. If they then obey you, look not for any way against them." (Sura 4:34) Moreover, the Qur'an declares that God "created for you, of yourselves, spouses, that you might repose in them." (Sura 30:20)

The inferior position of woman in the Qur'an is further seen in regulations regarding some ordinary matters of life. Women are supposedly more prone to err in matters of witnessing. In matters of contracts, "two men should witness, but if not two men, then one man, and two women so that if one of the two women should err, the other will remind her." (Sura 2:282)

There are other comments made about women in the Qur'an, many of them in an occasional context. In the Sura on women, it appears that the fear of God and respect for women are in the same sentence. Sale translates, "fear God and respect women," but notes that the word "women" is literally "the wombs." Arberry translates it directly, "and fear God by whom you demand of one another, and the wombs." (4:1) Immediately following this passage comes direction concerning orphans, mostly female orphans. "If you fear that you will not act justly toward the orphans, marry such women as seem good to you, two, three, four." (Sura 4:3)

Orphans should be tested to make sure they are worthy of receiving their endowments. If a man could not afford free women he could have slaves for sexual purposes as well. (Sale, p. 71)

The Qur'an improves on the pagan practices regarding inheritance for women. A woman should not have any part of her husband's or father's estate. Sura 4:11 declares that a woman shall share of what parents and kinsmen leave. A man shall inherit twice as much as a female. (Sale, p. 72)

If a woman is guilty of "indecency" (Arberry) "whoredom" (Sale) and four witnesses can be produced against them, they are to be detained in their houses until "death take them or God appoints for them a way." (Sura 4:15) The passage continues, "And when two of you commit indecency," implying the possibility of either fornication or sodomy. Sura 24:2 is more detailed in punishment. The whore and the whoremonger are to be scourged with 100 stripes, and this judgment was not to be hedged by compassion. This sin had the consequences of restricting the people one could marry. The man could only marry a harlot, and the woman could only marry a whoremonger. Neither of them could marry true believers. (24:3)

The Qur'an declares that a man shall purify himself before prayer, and among those polluting sources are women. (Sura 5:6) It may be worth noting explicitly here that men apparently are not similarly a source of pollution for women. Apparently women are inherently more unclean than men if the one is stated and not the other. While there are inequalities in many ways between men and women, crime is treated differently in regard to punishment.. Women are treated equally here. Sura 5:38 declares, "And the thief, male and female; cut off the hands of both, as a recompense for what they have earned and a punishment exemplary from God."

Women appear to be the natural object of sex in the Qur'an. In three passages recalling the story of Lot in the Old Testament, the charge is made that a great indecency was committed: "See, you approach men lustfully instead of women." (Sura 7:81, 27:55 and 29:29)

Coveting other women than one's wives and what "one's right hand owns" is to become a transgressor. Men are to guard "their private parts save from their wives." (Sura 23:5)

We have seen that four witnesses are important for charging someone with adultery. If someone charged another with adultery without four witnesses, they are not to be believed, and should be scourged with eighty stripes. (Sura 24:4) This passage is important for Muhammad's own personal life. On one expedition Muhammad took his wife Aisha to accompany him. On their return to Medina the army was moving by night and Aisha alighted from the camel to relieve herself. On her return she discovered that she had dropped a necklace and returned to search for it. The attendant, thinking she was in the curtained carriage on the camel, moved on. She expected that they would return quickly to find her, and she fell asleep. Early in the morning, Safwan Ebn al Moattel, who had stayed behind to rest, came upon Aisha, and put her on his camel and following the army they found it at noon. Her reputation was called into question, and Muhammad did not know what to think. Aisha's enemies spread malicious rumors. This Sura seemed to put a stop to false rumors.

Another improvement from Muhammad was the prohibition of using one's slave girls for prostitution and their owners collecting their fees. Sura 24:33 states, "And constrain not your slave girls to prostitution, if they desire to live in chastity, that you may seek the chance goods of the present life." The question may be raised if they don't desire to live in chastity, is prostitution then okay? How much freedom did a slave girl have to express to their masters what they really want or do not want? What is the effect of this command if the person did not have the full freedom to go against the wish of the owner?

There is a rather unusual characterization about one woman in the Qur'an. It refers to Lot's wife. The story of Lot is referred to a number of times in the Qur'an but in two of them Lot's wife is described in a degrading way. The fact that the city of Sodom is judged is true, but among the unbelievers was Lot's wife, "An old woman among those that tarried." (Sura 26:171). Similarly, in Sura 37:135, the Qur'an states that Lot was delivered and his people together, save an old woman among those that tarried.

This description may only be stating a fact, but with the tendency on the part of polygamist to be attracted to younger women as the man grows older, as was true in Muhammad's case, the question can only be raised whether this was a slur on older women. The age of a woman has little to do with her faith or lack of faith.

Muhammad's attitude toward his wives is rather interesting. He regarded his wives as "mothers" of the believing. (Sura 33:6) But the prophet's wives needed to be an example in their lifestyle. Allah is supposed to have said to the wives through Muhammad that if they desire adornments in this life, then Muhammad could divorce them. They were given the choice of living with Muhammad on his terms or being divorced. If his wives should commit a "flagrant indecency, for her the chastisement shall be doubled." (Sura 33:30) Greater responsibility has the greater punishment. It seems strange that Allah would command this regarding women's transgressions but not for the prophet himself. The wife of the prophet would also find double reward for her obedience, one measure for her faith, and the other measure for her obedient behavior to Muhammad.

This obedience is reflected in the words to be "god-fearing, be not abject in your speech, so that he in whose heart is sickness may be lustful; but speak honorable words. Remain in your houses, and display not your finery, as did the pagans of old. And perform the prayer, and pay the alms, and obey God and His messenger." (Sura 33:32)

The obedience to Muhammad as prophet is stressed in an unusual situation. Sura 33:36 notes, "It is not for any believer, man or woman, when God and His Messenger have decreed a matter, to have the choice in the affair. Whoever disobeys God and His Messenger has gone astray into manifest error." Muhammad intended to marry his cousin Zainab bint Jash to Zaid, his freed slave and adopted son. Zainab and her family refused this proposal at first, but after this revelation had come they could no longer resist, and the two were married.

The story of Zainab has further development. Sale recounts the story of how Muhammad went to Zaid's house on some business, but he was not home. Muhammad did cast his eyes accidentally on Zainab, "who was then in a dress which discovered her beauty to advantage, and was so smitten at the sight, that he could not forswear crying out, 'God be praised, who turneth the hearts of men as he pleaseth!" Zainab was flattered by the remark of Muhammad and conveyed the comment to her husband, Zaid. After reflecting on this, Zaid determined to divorce her so that Muhammad could marry her. This revelation seems designed to give Allah's approval so that no scandal would arise out of the situation. Hence the Qur'an states regarding this episode, "There is no fault in the Prophet, touching what God has ordained for him." (Sura 33:38)

The Qur'an gives great latitude to Muhammad concerning wives. It says, "O Prophet, We have made lawful for thee thy wives whom thou hast given their wages and what thy right hand owns, spoils of war that God has given thee, and the daughters of thy uncles paternal and aunts paternal, thy uncles maternal and aunts maternal, who have emigrated with thee, and any woman believer, if she gives herself to the Prophet and if the Prophet desire to take her in marriage, for thee exclusively, apart from the believers-We know what we have imposed upon them touching their wives and what their right hands own-that there may be no fault in thee." (Sura 33:50) Sale translates the last thought by these words: "This is a peculiar privilege granted unto thee, above the rest of the true believers." (p. 415)

Muhammad's wives were to be secluded from his followers. Sura 33:53 also declares that the followers were to speak to his wives with them behind a curtain "that is cleaner for your hearts and theirs." Not only were they not to be seen or touched by other men, other men were not "to marry his wives after him, ever...." On the matter of touching, this particular sura seems to have come about after Muhammad was disturbed by one of his companions accidentally touching Aisha.

Divorce appears to be fairly easy in the Qur'an, but there are guidelines for it. If a man has not touched his wife (sexually) there is little involved in divorcing her especially if no dowry has been established. Sura 2:228 indicates that if divorce is made, the woman should wait by herself without sexual relations for three of her periods to indicate that there is nothing in her womb. Following this time the husband could restore her. But at any event he can divorce her only twice. The paragraph on this appears ambiguous about the finality of the divorce. It says, "If he divorces her finally, she shall not be lawful to him after that, until she marries another husband. If he divorces her, then it is no fault in them to return to each other, if they suppose that they will maintain God's bounds." (2:230) A wife whose husband has died should not marry again until four months and ten nights go by presumably to certify that there are no heirs of the deceased husband.

There were husbands who divorced their wives rejecting them declaring, "be as my mother's back." Sura 58:2 says "Those of you who say, regarding their wives, 'Be as my mother's back'" are uttering a falsehood. This was apparently a pagan way of divorce, then current in Arabia, and mostly at the petition of a woman who had small children and was rejected by her husband, Muhammad proclaimed this Sura in condemnation of that practice.

In Sura 65:1 Muhammad is told to count the period of the women to be divorced. They are not to be put out until the time has expired. If a woman is pregnant, she is not to be put out until she delivers and in some case agreement is made for nursing. But if there is a problem between them, then another woman may be secured for suckling the child. The obvious implication is that the child belongs to the man, not the woman. The Qur'an does not give the traditional formula for divorce, i.e., I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you.

In summary, with regard to the Qur'an, and the issues of women and marriage, these have become normative for Muslim cultures. Muhammad defended himself at one point against his opponents by declaring what Allah told him to say, "If I go astray, I go astray only to my own loss; if I am guided, it is by what my Lord reveals to me." (34:50) There is a more serious issue here than Muhammad admits. If he went astray he has led astray countless generations. To him goes the authority of what marriage is like in Muslim cultures, as well as divorce. A westerner looks at the view of women in the Qur'an and laments that it takes a slice of time and history and makes it normative for all generations of Muslims thereafter.

Most westerns are curious about the matter of polygamy. Muslim writers tend to defend polygamy on the following lines. First, war has devastated the male population and there are more women then men. Second, argument is made that the western pattern of monogamy has failed because of many divorces, affairs, and permissiveness. Third, polygamy has been the custom in all ages and this proves to the Muslim "that it is natural to man."2 Fourth, "If a wife, owing to biological factors, is unable to give birth to a child, or satisfy her husband's sexual urges, the man may safely opt for polygamy." This saves the first wife from divorce and from being "homeless and shelter-less."

The author states, "The basic aim of the married life is the satisfaction of the sexual desire within the bounds of legality....The man is always sexually active provided he is healthy and normal, while even a perfectly healthy woman is not always inclined to sex."3 The menstrual course keeps her from being able to engage in sexual relations. Fifth, normal sexual attraction requires the possibility of polygamy. "Is it not natural that a person having one wife may be attracted towards another woman so much so that this attraction may demand fulfillment?" One may well ask how it is possible to be attracted to a woman who is all covered up. Since you are not supposed to see the woman, and she is not supposed to talk to men other than her family, how is one supposed to learn to know a woman?

Should one ask about the opposite situation, many husbands, and one wife, the answer is that nature does not allow 28 days of sex a month. Moreover, the "primary aim behind espousing a woman is to impregnate her."4

Polygamy is defended on the grounds that a woman can object to a second wife. This can be the grounds of divorcing him. But it is claimed that "no home has been destroyed by polygamy."5

In summary, one can see the discrepancy of equality in the matter of faith before Allah, and the inequality in this world of men. The article on polygamy is written from a very male point of view. The woman is regarded as a womb and the function of a woman is to have sex. If she cannot, she must face the prospect of a competitor in marriage in a second or third wife. While polygamy may be the story of sinful man, we must observe the model of creation-God made only man and woman, not Adam and four wives.

0123Submitter (10) 12 Oct 2009 02:47 PM

Allah SWT guides whoever He wills. ISLAM IS A WAY OF LIVING and it means peace. Many people dont understand tht this earth is not heavan, where you can have everything. Thts why Allah brought Islam to this world to live a better to reach Heaven. Only way to go to Heaven is through struggle in this life.